men … 80% …

2015-10-04 20:09:25 PDT

Don’t have a reference source, not even sure I remember correctly exactly what the scenario was, but, supposedly something like this …

Man and woman in elevator together – they don’t know each other, one of ’em just also stepped into the elevator.
So … 80% of the time (or 80% of men) are going to think/believe the woman is interested in and/or attracted to the man.
(whereas that’s only the case about 20% of the time – or something like that?).

Well, guess I’m not 80%. :-/ Most of the time I’ll presume the woman has no interested in nor attraction to me, unless I manage to notice evidence to the contrary (e.g. she explicitly states or expresses such interest). And, … I almost never notice such – really has to be quite blatant over-the-top for me to be highly probable to notice (e.g. if she’s pressing herself and rubbing to me, now that, I will notice) – but in general, I won’t notice – even if I’m trying to notice or look for such indications.

So, … something like about 0.000000…..1% of women are interested in me. But alas, that can’t be correct either. That’s just those I notice seem to have an interest – which I generally quite fail to notice at all. No idea how many or what percentage are actually interested – or even more-or-less potentially so – but if I can’t determine which are, and aren’t, may not make much practical difference anyway.

And, yeah, I quite suck at approaching/asking/interacting, so that doesn’t exactly help the situation.

Guess I’m not 80% of men – or whatever.

“Oh well” – and so it goes.

Yet another “test”/quiz: Are you ready for a relationship?

2015-10-02 20:10:39 PDT

Yet another “test”/quiz: Are you ready for a relationship?
I got:

You are
100% ready for a relationship!
You really are so ready for a relationship that it would a complete waste if you waited any longer. You know exactly what it means to be committed to someone and may even have someone in mind – we really don’t know why you’re still single!

Uhm, I read it on The Internet so it must be true! Uhm, … yeah, right. Whatever.

Yet another test: tonedeaf? Nope, not me.

2015-09-13 01:26:44 PDT

tonedeaf test, I got:
83.3% Correct
It also indicates “The test is purposefully made very hard, so excellent musicians rarely score above 80% correct.” …

Above 90%: Exceptional performance
Above 80%: Very good performance
Above 70%: Normal performance
Above 60%: Low-normal performance
Below 55%: Possible pitch perception or memory deficit

I’ll also note it’s a relatively difficult test – though also checks for tonedeafness, it’s also highly dependent upon short term musical memory and working space thereof.

I also might’ve scored slightly to moderately better if the test had better introduction – samples, examples, examples of what they’re expecting folks to notice as the same, or not, etc. Going into it totally cold, I wasn’t even sure at first what they were asking, given some of the terminology they used.

So … does this rather describe me?

2015-08-30 11:38:55 PDT

“The truth is, many people who are on the autism spectrum do not have such easily noticeable symptoms and often go undiagnosed, specifically those who are high functioning. A common misconception is that if a child has autism it will be fairly obvious at a very young age and even more so during daycare or school, in a setting where socialization with peers is expected.”

“The populations that are most often misdiagnosed or undiagnosed are academically gifted children. Those who are gifted can fly under the radar because they may easily learn appropriate behaviors that can mask symptoms of autism. It is also possible that they are simply seen as quirky and unique. People who are highly gifted in art, math, technology, or memorization are usually very focused on their specific skill to the detriment of personal friendships. People see this as a proof of their giftedness and not as a sign of disability. A child who shows passion in academics or a great talent in arts is often praised and rewarded instead of taken for an evaluation.”

“There are many similarities between children who are gifted and those who have Asperger’s”

“Both gifted children and children with Asperger’s may have difficulty creating and maintaining friendships due to a lack of interest in age-typical activities or because they are not attuned to the desires of their peers. In other words, they do not share the interests of peers and will make that obvious in their interactions.”

“Other signs of Asperger’s that might not coincide with those who are academically gifted include” … “difficulty holding a conversation about things other than their interest”

“The trouble with picking out these differences is that a child that has learned that an outward expression of displeasure will be met with consequences may learn early on to internalize it and act in expected ways.”

Quote of the day

2015-08-16 05:12:51 PDT

Quote of the day:
“Love is like a fart – if you have to force it, it’s probably shit.”

:-) … ran across that, and just had to share. ;-)

Yet more quizzes – and results

2015-07-03 16:46:42 PDT

Yet more quizzes – and results

So … more quizzes … and results:

See also my more general comments towards the very end.

Empathy Quiz
How well do you feel and understand what others are feeling?
I got:
Your empathy score is 68 out of 110, indicating a moderate level of empathy in general.

Our empathy quiz measures two particular dimensions of empathy. Your score suggests that you have a moderate ability to sense other people’s emotions—the dimension of empathy known as “affective empathy.” This means that other people’s feelings may be contagious sometimes: If they seem happy, you feel happy; if they seem afraid, you feel afraid; if they are suffering, you feel their pain. Your ability to sense others’ emotional states may sometimes, though not always, make you feel more concerned about their welfare, and occasionally more likely to want to help them when they are distressed. Sometimes, however, affective empathy can increase feelings of personal distress when you encounter suffering, which can impede your ability to provide effective support.

Your score also suggests that you have a moderate ability to put yourself in others’ shoes and imagine what they might be thinking or feeling—the dimension of empathy known as “cognitive empathy.” Your ability to take other people’s perspectives may sometimes help you communicate and negotiate more effectively in your personal and professional relationships, and it may also make you less likely to rely on stereotypes when trying to understand others’ behavior.

Social Capital Quiz
How strong are your social connections, online and off?
I got:
Your score is 49 out of 100. Your answers suggest you have low social capital offline and high capital online.

Your score suggests that you don’t think you have many people in your life who provide emotional and practical support—people to turn to when you need a shoulder to lean on or an extra hand. These types of bonds are an important part of social capital—they can give us a sense of belonging and help us through difficult times—but they can be challenging to build and maintain.

However, your score also suggests that you have a fair number of social contacts who expose you to diverse perspectives. These are not necessarily members of your close inner circles but the people with whom you form loose ties across the spheres of your life. People who have different backgrounds and interests from your own can help you broaden your social networks and your worldview.

Grateful Organizations Quiz
Does your organization elicit gratitude–or make people feel taken for granted?
I skipped the quiz, as it instructs: “To take the quiz, think of one organization to which you belong”, and I couldn’t really think of an organization to which I feel I “belong” – at least to any extent I thought it would be appropriate or fitting to think of and use for the quiz. (Okay, so maybe I don’t exactly feel like I “belong”).

Compassionate Organizations Quiz
Does your organization foster compassion or callousness?
I skipped the quiz, as it instructs: “To take the quiz, think of one organization to which you belong”, and I couldn’t really think of an organization to which I feel I “belong” – at least to any extent I thought it would be appropriate or fitting to think of and use for the quiz. (Okay, so maybe I don’t exactly feel like I “belong”).

Connection to Humanity Quiz
How big is your circle of concern?
I got:
Your score is 18 out of 30, which suggests that you identify moderately with all of humanity, but not strongly.

Like many people, you may want to feel more connected to humankind, but the demands of daily life often get in the way. It may be hard at times to muster up feelings of kinship with people who live outside of your immediate circle of concern–you might even find yourself avoiding news of the many hardships people are facing around the world and the emotional burden it can bring. That certainly makes sense: Research suggests that those who identify strongly with humanity tend to be a bit more prone to experiencing anxiety and negative emotions.

Stress and Anxiety Quiz
Do you feel like you’re about to crack?
It instructs: “indicate how much each statement applied to you over the past week“, so I guess that would make it more topical/current than some other quiz results (and may vary over time, etc.). In any case …
I got:
Your score is 5 out of 48, which suggests that you experience very little stress and anxiety in your life.

You find it easy to relax, which allows you to be calm and engage positively with daily challenges. When certain situations make you anxious, you show good control over your physical reaction.

Compassionate Love Quiz
You might love your partner truly, madly, deeply. But do you love compassionately?
Would appear the quiz scores on all “my partner” questions, which is all of them (except “The last five questions are about you, and they’ll be used by our research team to better understand how compassionate love relates to factors like age and gender”). And, feeling “my partner” was exceedingly not applicable (being and feeling highly without), I thought the most appropriate response to all of them was “not applicable” – except there was no such response option, so I just skipped and didn’t answer those … all of those. It still calculated results anyway (rather than telling me I had to answer them or anything like that) – but that probably seriously screwed up its results (yeah, like results also, not applicable). Anyway …
I got:
Your score is 0 out of 75, suggesting that you could work on increasing the amount of compassionate love you feel for your partner.

It is important to be responsive when you see your partner is distress; one way to do this is by trying to take his or her perspective. Although you care about enriching your partner’s life, it may be hard for you to make sacrifices for your partner or be supportive when he or she is facing challenges. By practicing these skills, you may find ways to better support your partner and negotiate conflicts, which should lead to a stronger, healthier, and longer-lasting relationship.

Altruism Quiz
Are you a giver or a Grinch?
I got:
Your score is 73 out of 100, suggesting you have a high tendency to help others in need.

In fact, your generosity seems to be central to your value system and identity. You often act charitably even when others do not, and you find that this generosity is its own reward. The positive emotions you feel from doing good suggest that you help because you genuinely care, not to impress others or receive praise.

And when the opportunity presents itself to help, you take it. This is important because while many people wish they could help others, not everyone does.

Gratitude Quiz
Are you truly grateful for the good things in your life—or do you take them for granted?
I got:
Your gratitude score is 45 out of 105

Your responses suggest you are a somewhat grateful person. You sometimes foster gratitude by comparing your situation in life to that of people who have less than you and by remaining mindful of how much harder your life could be. One way to increase your level of gratitude could be to make more of an effort to focus on what you have rather than what you don’t. Studies suggest that nurturing your tendency to practice gratitude could bring you more positive emotions, better health, stronger relationships, and greater life satisfaction.

Relationship Trust Quiz
Is your relationship defined by honesty and dependability—or suspicion and betrayal?
Would appear the quiz scores on all “my partner” questions, which is all of them (except the last five questions which appear to just gather some general background information (gender, age, marital status, how long in current relationship, parent’s relationship). And, feeling “my partner” was exceedingly not applicable (being and feeling highly without), I thought the most appropriate response to all of them was “not applicable” – except there was no such response option, so I just skipped and didn’t answer those … all of those. It still calculated results anyway (rather than telling me I had to answer them or anything like that) – but that probably seriously screwed up its results (yeah, like results also, not applicable). Anyway …
I got:
Your score is 0 out of 72, suggesting you have a low tendency to trust.

Your responses suggest that you have low levels of trust in your partner’s honesty and dependability. In addition, you lack faith in your relationship as a whole. When you or your relationship faces difficulties, you may wonder whether your partner will be responsive and caring enough. As a result, you might not trust that your partner will be able to help work through your problems together. This is a concern worth addressing: Trust in relationships is associated with longer, happier, and more stable relationships.

Mindfulness Quiz
Do you savor life or let everyday stresses control you? In other words, how mindful are you?
I got:
Your mindfulness score is 61 out of 100, suggesting you have a moderate tendency to practice mindfulness. This score reflects two key components of mindfulness: your moment-to-moment awareness of your thoughts, feelings, and environment, as well as your acceptance of these aspects of your life.

Your score suggests you can feel accepting and non-judgmental toward yourself, which means that you allow yourself to experience a range of thoughts and feelings, even if they’re upsetting or challenging at times. You don’t always believe there’s a “right” or “wrong” way to think or feel in a given moment. However, your answers suggest that you can sometimes be self-critical, which can make you feel defensive, anxious, or sad.

Also, you struggle to focus your awareness on the situation at hand; instead, you’re preoccupied with the past or worried about the future. This may make you feel less open and inquisitive toward new experiences and can prevent you from feeling in-the-moment.

Forgiveness Quiz
When someone hurts you, are you more likely to turn the other cheek—or seek revenge?
It instructs: “think about someone—a friend, a spouse, a family member, a co-worker—who has hurt you”
I wasn’t able to think of anyone who particularly fit that criteria and hurt me all that much – “best fit” I could think of was someone who I could think of sort’a kind’a more-or-less moderately hurt me (even if entirely or mostly unintentionally), so … though of that person when answering (and were there someone that fit the criteria that’d actually hurt me “a lot” or very deeply or strongly so, I’m guessing the results may have then been at least slightly to moderately different … but probably not all that different. Anyway …
I got:
Your forgiveness score is 37 out of 60, suggesting you have a moderate tendency to forgive others.

After a conflict, you probably feel slightly hurt and attacked; as a result, you may sometimes avoid contact with the person who hurt you. But you don’t seem likely to want revenge against this person. This suggests forgiveness may come easier to you than to others, but that you still struggle with it on occasion.

Your responses also suggest that you sometimes, but not always, dwell on the ways others have hurt you, which can exacerbate negative emotions. But you benefit from not wanting revenge: Feelings of vengeance are associated with lower life satisfaction.

Emotional Intelligence Quiz
How well do you read other people?
I got:
Your Score: 14/20

Not bad. Your score means you’re slightly better than the average at reading expressions.

And, my general comments. Tests/quizzes – results depend, among other factors, upon how (not) well designed it is, what it measures, what it presumes, and also factors such as when it’s taken, person’s mood at the time, etc. Anyway, seems these are a rough approximation of reality. May be roughly semi-accurate, but also way off (or nearly so) for some I particularly noted (notably as mostly “not applicable” – and having no such option to select, left unanswered, and thus rather odd calculated and reported results). Also, “emotional intelligence”, recognition of facial expressions, body language, etc. – I seem to typically test slightly to moderately above average on most such tests … however most (all?) such tests – at least all I’ve encountered thus far – work off of static images … which ain’t exactly how reality is. Movement tends to distract me – a lot(!) – notably person moving at all, and especially when I’m trying to talk to them (unless I know them quite highly personally well – like very good (/best!) friend or better). So, … static non-interactive picture test, vs. more typical “real world” scenarios, may give very different results. Might also depend how, or whether or not I’m interacting with the person, or merely observing them – e.g. watching a video of them, or just watching them and them not interacting with me and me not interacting with them – “vs.” interacting – and if so, context (e.g. am I talking to them or not), how well I do/don’t know them, etc. – probably would make for quite varied results, depending on context/circumstance.

Find of the day: YouTube: Speed

2015-06-27 22:31:11 PDT

Find of the day: YouTube: Speed

Yes, sometimes one finds (or rediscovers) something rather to quite useful. Today, while watching a video on YouTube … something I was at least reasonably interested in, and more-or-less technical/scientific … but rather long (that okay in-and-of-itself), but the delivery pace too slow for my liking. Settings … Speed … Normal … 1.25, 1.5, 2 … ah nice. At 2x, about the right pace for me for that video, … and … get half my time back. Not bad.

I recall in past, typically visually impaired person, hearing or overhearing the sped up audio … always seemed like that would be unfollowable to me, but, actually, if it’s something I’m interested in – can work quite well, my head can suck it in pretty darn fast, and … much less likely I’ll nod off at the video being “too slow” when I’m watching and listening at twice “Normal” speed. I should use it more often, … probably will.

Ghosting – what a chickensh*t way to end a relationship

2015-06-26 23:20:23 PDT

Ghosting – what a chickensh*t way to end a relationship.
Just sayin’.

Exes Explain Ghosting, the Ultimate Silent Treatment

I mean really, can’t even have the decency to say one’s breaking it off? Are humans becoming that incompetent at having any conversations – or even any communications – that are difficult or uncomfortable? Geez, have some friggin’ decency.

It ain’t that hard, e.g.:
I don’t want to see you or hear from you anymore, goodbye.
[and optionally] And here’s why it’s not working for me, and no you can’t “fix” it: some actual explanation.

Geez, with this Ghostin’ cr*p, how’s one supposed to know if one’s being ghosted or the other person dropped dead or has been abducted, and no one’s found out yet?

Wiped!, …

2015-06-23 04:54:12 PDT

Oh man, did I, mostly unknowingly, quite manage to screw that up!
Finally, barely, enough strength/energy to start typing that out … oops! – major.

So, went to an event at a bar, met some fair number of (at least mostly seemingly) cool people. That part, at least in-and-of itself certainly at least, or more-or-less okay. But what wasn’t? It was a loud bar – so I had to talk up quite a bit – raise my voice – almost, if not shouting – for anyone to more-or-less hear what I was saying … even a very short distance – pretty much my mouth pointed at their ear. Too damn loud for face-to-face conversation to be feasible – it was mouth to ear, or one made out damn near nothing anybody was saying. Even then, they could only typically make out part of what I was saying. And likewise, pretty much anything anybody said to me I missed half to two-thirds of it. Just way too bloody loud. Guess I didn’t realize how bad it was, until after. As the evening/night progressed, they dimmed the lights more, and cranked up the volume yet further … really?!?!?! … yes! – ugh! I cut out’a there ’bout an hour before the event was over and long before the venue closed for the night. It was then that I started to realize how bad it was. As soon as I stepped outside, I was like, “Why does everything sound so muffled and quiet?” – yeah, it was that damn loud in there. Ears have been buzzing/ringing on-and-off since then. But the worst of it – voice, and especially throat. Talking with my voice raised that much – even just the modest bit of talking over a few hours, didn’t realize it right away, but it quite tore my voice up (yeah, usually I don’t talk much – and especially at elevated volume – I’ve got a relatively quiet voice – perhaps from lack of use/practice, but that’s how it is – even talking at moderate to low volume for a couple hours and my voice will generally quite give out – not infrequent that I get the remark or coaxing – “need to speak up” – but my voice just can’t do that … or certainly can’t maintain it). So, here I am, well over 3 days later, and voice, and especially throat, is still way messed up – mostly lots of coughing/wheezing and such. And it’s not like it was some smokey bar – no, it was quite smoke free. Voice just not up to that, and days later I’m still paying the price for that. And met fair number of folks from group/event at the bar – maybe like about 15 to 18 folks or so. But I’m horrible at remembering names – and it being so loud that often I couldn’t exactly make out what they were saying anyway certainly didn’t help. How many names did I remember? … even right after? Dang few. One totally new (well, almost sort-of – had seen name and photo online in advance – probably saw that for many of the folks, but happened to manage to remember, after meeting, from at least one of the key organizers). Other than that? One name I knew from someone I’d met before – so that doesn’t exactly count. One person I’d met before but had forgotten name, after meeting (for 2nd, or 3rd, or 4th?) time, remembered the name. All the rest? I remembered the first initial of two folks, but doubtful I could even match that to faces after – or at least much after – maybe more likely I could if I happened to see ’em together (a couple). Don’t remember any other names at all – not a one. But I’m definitely not good at remembering names – often someone will introduce themselves to me or tell me their name, and 15 to 60 seconds or so later, I’ve completely forgotten their name and can’t remember it. I supposed perhaps if I focused real hard and repeatedly on their name right after they said it to me, I might remember it a fair bit better … but then I’d be missing and not paying attention to everything else they were saying – so that doesn’t work very well either. Dim lighting didn’t help much – especially for remembering faces – I used to be much better at that, not so great at it anymore. Sometimes I remember the face, sometimes not. And in most cases where I remember the face, I won’t remember the context, and almost always don’t remember the name. So, e.g., new job, meet & greet – get introduced to, say, 20 or so folks on first day … how many names will I remember? Like maybe about 2 or 3 or 4(!). After a couple weeks, maybe I’ll know about 5 to 8 names (and even mostly have ’em correctly correlated to the faces) … and … months into it – I probably know about 15 names, give or take. But I digress. So, loud!!! bar, not good – and especially me trying to talk over that to a level that anyone could actually hear what I was saying – even at quite close range (like their ear only 12 to 8 inches from my mouth). I need to be much more careful and aware of such situations so I don’t screw myself over from it. I kept thinking lip reading would’ve been a good skill to have in that environment, but as they dimmed the lighting, even that would’ve been more challenging. I should wear some serious hearing protection in such environments – and not raise my voice. My throat and voice is still paying the penalty for it.

But wait, there’s more! So, next day, went on relatively long hiking adventure. That might’ve been all fine and dandy … except I managed to substantially screw it up for myself, but didn’t realize it ’till later – oops. Maybe I shouldn’t have piled it on next day after that loud bar thingy – voice/throat (and ears) still recovering from that – but that’s probably not at all the worst of what messed it up. I mean the hike itself and all quite fine, and good company and conversation. But, for starters, I guess I didn’t do a great job on properly fueling and supplying my body – hydration, electrolytes, fuel/nutrition, etc. So, ’bout half way through the hike I was feeling rather tired – not a big deal, right? … maybe? Hardest most strenuous part of the hike was already completed anyway. Just a matter of complete the walk/hike back … that all seemed quite okay … at the time. But that evening, I noticed I managed to get quite sunburned – oops. Yes, it was sunny – at least part, even much of the time – though also foggy and overcast – a mix. But with lots of cool/cooler air (close coastal breeze and moisture), I hadn’t at all noticed I was getting sunburned … until it was far too late – oops. Yeah, saw it in bathroom mirror later, and I was like, “oh dear”. I guess once-upon-a-time, in relatively ancient history, sunburns didn’t impact me so much. Sure, it’d be red, maybe even quite sore, skin would be warm/hot to the touch, but that was pretty much it … but that was back in my teens and even earlier. By about my late 20s and into 30s, more of an impact. Would tend to bring on chills, and would tend to get headachy – perhaps often dehydration being a bit of a factor too – but had become almost a sure-fire recipe – sunburn + cool/cold + dehydration = headache. So by evening, was definitely feeling chilled – and it was not that cold out – just coolish – and I had jacket on, at that. But I also felt really tired/wiped – and that was even with having a fair lunch before going on most of the hike, and rehydrating and decent dinner after. I was quite wiped – noticed that on my way home. Anyway, got home, and essentially just crawled into bed. Entire next day felt like crud – weak/exhausted, chills – with hot/burned skin, and quite temperature sensitive – it’s like the temperature had to be “just right” – not too warm/hot – nor too cool/cold – and that would also apply rather independently anywhere on the body – could be too “hot” one spot and too “cold” another – at the same time. Anyway, took quite full day plus recovering – even getting up was often quite challenging. Mostly just rested/slept it off – didn’t feel like doing anything – even so much as reading/browsing something on the computer – like it was too much work/energy to even think of doing that – let alone actually do so. And the throat being out of whack didn’t exactly help. Could barely even deal with answering the phone. Was also often quite weak/dizzy when I got up, or attempted to get up. Basically a wiped mess – no energy, little strength, and just generally felt like crud. And well over 2 days later … improved, but still far from 100% – relatively weak, a bit unsteady, light-headed/dizzy – still messed up. And the voice/throat – still jacked up. Ugh.

I guess most of the time and in most ways, my body still feels like it’s 21 … but sometimes it gives me a surprising – at least to me – kick in the arse to remind me I don’t have the body of a 21-year-old anymore. “Oops”.

Maybe also the loud bar think + the hiking/sunburn etc. nearly back-to-back without recovery time between (who thought I needed it – so throat/voice/ears bit messed up from loud bar, not relevant to hiking, right?) … may have had double-whammy effect.

And done lots of other hikes, rather recently, often many many more miles and more climbs in elevation … but without the more substantial sunburn, or loud voice-shredding evening preceding such.

Anyway, still recovering from it … ugh.

Guess too, I gain a wee bit more insight/understanding for those that sometimes, or even commonly, just do not have the strength/energy. My body certainly took a beating from it – and quite unexpectedly to me – and still recovering from it.

shocked at the lack of connection between people because of (cell phones)

2015-06-20 09:47:34 PDT

“I’m shocked at the lack of connection between people because of iPhones. There is so much less of actual physical connection. There’s less touching, there’s less talking, there’s less holding, there’s less looking. People get pleasure from looking at each other. From a smile, and touching. We need touching to make us feel wanted and loved. That’s lacking so much in this generation. Lack of looking, lack of touching, lack of smiling. I don’t get it.”
Here’s What a 100-Year-Old Sex Therapist Thinks is Wrong With Sex Today


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