Archive for June, 2015

Find of the day: YouTube: Speed

2015-06-27 22:31:11 PDT

Find of the day: YouTube: Speed

Yes, sometimes one finds (or rediscovers) something rather to quite useful. Today, while watching a video on YouTube … something I was at least reasonably interested in, and more-or-less technical/scientific … but rather long (that okay in-and-of-itself), but the delivery pace too slow for my liking. Settings … Speed … Normal … 1.25, 1.5, 2 … ah nice. At 2x, about the right pace for me for that video, … and … get half my time back. Not bad.

I recall in past, typically visually impaired person, hearing or overhearing the sped up audio … always seemed like that would be unfollowable to me, but, actually, if it’s something I’m interested in – can work quite well, my head can suck it in pretty darn fast, and … much less likely I’ll nod off at the video being “too slow” when I’m watching and listening at twice “Normal” speed. I should use it more often, … probably will.


Ghosting – what a chickensh*t way to end a relationship

2015-06-26 23:20:23 PDT

Ghosting – what a chickensh*t way to end a relationship.
Just sayin’.

Exes Explain Ghosting, the Ultimate Silent Treatment

I mean really, can’t even have the decency to say one’s breaking it off? Are humans becoming that incompetent at having any conversations – or even any communications – that are difficult or uncomfortable? Geez, have some friggin’ decency.

It ain’t that hard, e.g.:
I don’t want to see you or hear from you anymore, goodbye.
[and optionally] And here’s why it’s not working for me, and no you can’t “fix” it: some actual explanation.

Geez, with this Ghostin’ cr*p, how’s one supposed to know if one’s being ghosted or the other person dropped dead or has been abducted, and no one’s found out yet?

Wiped!, …

2015-06-23 04:54:12 PDT

Oh man, did I, mostly unknowingly, quite manage to screw that up!
Finally, barely, enough strength/energy to start typing that out … oops! – major.

So, went to an event at a bar, met some fair number of (at least mostly seemingly) cool people. That part, at least in-and-of itself certainly at least, or more-or-less okay. But what wasn’t? It was a loud bar – so I had to talk up quite a bit – raise my voice – almost, if not shouting – for anyone to more-or-less hear what I was saying … even a very short distance – pretty much my mouth pointed at their ear. Too damn loud for face-to-face conversation to be feasible – it was mouth to ear, or one made out damn near nothing anybody was saying. Even then, they could only typically make out part of what I was saying. And likewise, pretty much anything anybody said to me I missed half to two-thirds of it. Just way too bloody loud. Guess I didn’t realize how bad it was, until after. As the evening/night progressed, they dimmed the lights more, and cranked up the volume yet further … really?!?!?! … yes! – ugh! I cut out’a there ’bout an hour before the event was over and long before the venue closed for the night. It was then that I started to realize how bad it was. As soon as I stepped outside, I was like, “Why does everything sound so muffled and quiet?” – yeah, it was that damn loud in there. Ears have been buzzing/ringing on-and-off since then. But the worst of it – voice, and especially throat. Talking with my voice raised that much – even just the modest bit of talking over a few hours, didn’t realize it right away, but it quite tore my voice up (yeah, usually I don’t talk much – and especially at elevated volume – I’ve got a relatively quiet voice – perhaps from lack of use/practice, but that’s how it is – even talking at moderate to low volume for a couple hours and my voice will generally quite give out – not infrequent that I get the remark or coaxing – “need to speak up” – but my voice just can’t do that … or certainly can’t maintain it). So, here I am, well over 3 days later, and voice, and especially throat, is still way messed up – mostly lots of coughing/wheezing and such. And it’s not like it was some smokey bar – no, it was quite smoke free. Voice just not up to that, and days later I’m still paying the price for that. And met fair number of folks from group/event at the bar – maybe like about 15 to 18 folks or so. But I’m horrible at remembering names – and it being so loud that often I couldn’t exactly make out what they were saying anyway certainly didn’t help. How many names did I remember? … even right after? Dang few. One totally new (well, almost sort-of – had seen name and photo online in advance – probably saw that for many of the folks, but happened to manage to remember, after meeting, from at least one of the key organizers). Other than that? One name I knew from someone I’d met before – so that doesn’t exactly count. One person I’d met before but had forgotten name, after meeting (for 2nd, or 3rd, or 4th?) time, remembered the name. All the rest? I remembered the first initial of two folks, but doubtful I could even match that to faces after – or at least much after – maybe more likely I could if I happened to see ’em together (a couple). Don’t remember any other names at all – not a one. But I’m definitely not good at remembering names – often someone will introduce themselves to me or tell me their name, and 15 to 60 seconds or so later, I’ve completely forgotten their name and can’t remember it. I supposed perhaps if I focused real hard and repeatedly on their name right after they said it to me, I might remember it a fair bit better … but then I’d be missing and not paying attention to everything else they were saying – so that doesn’t work very well either. Dim lighting didn’t help much – especially for remembering faces – I used to be much better at that, not so great at it anymore. Sometimes I remember the face, sometimes not. And in most cases where I remember the face, I won’t remember the context, and almost always don’t remember the name. So, e.g., new job, meet & greet – get introduced to, say, 20 or so folks on first day … how many names will I remember? Like maybe about 2 or 3 or 4(!). After a couple weeks, maybe I’ll know about 5 to 8 names (and even mostly have ’em correctly correlated to the faces) … and … months into it – I probably know about 15 names, give or take. But I digress. So, loud!!! bar, not good – and especially me trying to talk over that to a level that anyone could actually hear what I was saying – even at quite close range (like their ear only 12 to 8 inches from my mouth). I need to be much more careful and aware of such situations so I don’t screw myself over from it. I kept thinking lip reading would’ve been a good skill to have in that environment, but as they dimmed the lighting, even that would’ve been more challenging. I should wear some serious hearing protection in such environments – and not raise my voice. My throat and voice is still paying the penalty for it.

But wait, there’s more! So, next day, went on relatively long hiking adventure. That might’ve been all fine and dandy … except I managed to substantially screw it up for myself, but didn’t realize it ’till later – oops. Maybe I shouldn’t have piled it on next day after that loud bar thingy – voice/throat (and ears) still recovering from that – but that’s probably not at all the worst of what messed it up. I mean the hike itself and all quite fine, and good company and conversation. But, for starters, I guess I didn’t do a great job on properly fueling and supplying my body – hydration, electrolytes, fuel/nutrition, etc. So, ’bout half way through the hike I was feeling rather tired – not a big deal, right? … maybe? Hardest most strenuous part of the hike was already completed anyway. Just a matter of complete the walk/hike back … that all seemed quite okay … at the time. But that evening, I noticed I managed to get quite sunburned – oops. Yes, it was sunny – at least part, even much of the time – though also foggy and overcast – a mix. But with lots of cool/cooler air (close coastal breeze and moisture), I hadn’t at all noticed I was getting sunburned … until it was far too late – oops. Yeah, saw it in bathroom mirror later, and I was like, “oh dear”. I guess once-upon-a-time, in relatively ancient history, sunburns didn’t impact me so much. Sure, it’d be red, maybe even quite sore, skin would be warm/hot to the touch, but that was pretty much it … but that was back in my teens and even earlier. By about my late 20s and into 30s, more of an impact. Would tend to bring on chills, and would tend to get headachy – perhaps often dehydration being a bit of a factor too – but had become almost a sure-fire recipe – sunburn + cool/cold + dehydration = headache. So by evening, was definitely feeling chilled – and it was not that cold out – just coolish – and I had jacket on, at that. But I also felt really tired/wiped – and that was even with having a fair lunch before going on most of the hike, and rehydrating and decent dinner after. I was quite wiped – noticed that on my way home. Anyway, got home, and essentially just crawled into bed. Entire next day felt like crud – weak/exhausted, chills – with hot/burned skin, and quite temperature sensitive – it’s like the temperature had to be “just right” – not too warm/hot – nor too cool/cold – and that would also apply rather independently anywhere on the body – could be too “hot” one spot and too “cold” another – at the same time. Anyway, took quite full day plus recovering – even getting up was often quite challenging. Mostly just rested/slept it off – didn’t feel like doing anything – even so much as reading/browsing something on the computer – like it was too much work/energy to even think of doing that – let alone actually do so. And the throat being out of whack didn’t exactly help. Could barely even deal with answering the phone. Was also often quite weak/dizzy when I got up, or attempted to get up. Basically a wiped mess – no energy, little strength, and just generally felt like crud. And well over 2 days later … improved, but still far from 100% – relatively weak, a bit unsteady, light-headed/dizzy – still messed up. And the voice/throat – still jacked up. Ugh.

I guess most of the time and in most ways, my body still feels like it’s 21 … but sometimes it gives me a surprising – at least to me – kick in the arse to remind me I don’t have the body of a 21-year-old anymore. “Oops”.

Maybe also the loud bar think + the hiking/sunburn etc. nearly back-to-back without recovery time between (who thought I needed it – so throat/voice/ears bit messed up from loud bar, not relevant to hiking, right?) … may have had double-whammy effect.

And done lots of other hikes, rather recently, often many many more miles and more climbs in elevation … but without the more substantial sunburn, or loud voice-shredding evening preceding such.

Anyway, still recovering from it … ugh.

Guess too, I gain a wee bit more insight/understanding for those that sometimes, or even commonly, just do not have the strength/energy. My body certainly took a beating from it – and quite unexpectedly to me – and still recovering from it.

shocked at the lack of connection between people because of (cell phones)

2015-06-20 09:47:34 PDT

“I’m shocked at the lack of connection between people because of iPhones. There is so much less of actual physical connection. There’s less touching, there’s less talking, there’s less holding, there’s less looking. People get pleasure from looking at each other. From a smile, and touching. We need touching to make us feel wanted and loved. That’s lacking so much in this generation. Lack of looking, lack of touching, lack of smiling. I don’t get it.”
Here’s What a 100-Year-Old Sex Therapist Thinks is Wrong With Sex Today

random “test” “Can We Guess Your Level Of Education?”

2015-06-15 22:09:15 PDT

Can We Guess Your Level Of Education?

I got:
You are on top!!
You enjoy academic settings, as they fit your balanced, self-aware personality. You are engaged in the entire scholarly experience, and always seek opportunities to enhance learning. You are hardworking, and won’t let any challenge stop you from achieving the best grades possible. Good for you, Professor!!

Seems like a relatively inaccurate “test”(/guess) – I have zero college degrees.

Living with unknowns

2015-06-14 21:25:28 PDT

I guess I still find it rather odd and disquieting, that some – perhaps even many – folks, just find “unknowns” to be quite unacceptable.

I mean really … life ‘n all, after that. Whole helluva lot we don’t know, and much of it we’ll probably never know. So what? I mean sure, be interested, fascinated, even passionate to learn more, to be interested and driven to try and learn more, find out more, etc. But, to have attitude that not knowing just is not at all acceptable? I somehow find that attitude/perspective rather odd/unsettling/disquieting. I guess I find it understandable that some(/many) find such unknowns unacceptable – yet I find that quite odd, for some reason.

Given the greatness and complexity of all that exists – and we don’t even know the majority of it – heck, probably only know a very very very limited teensy relative speck of it – and that’s even if we happen to be correct – we’re probably also incorrect on much of what we think and believe ourselves to correctly know. Only so much can be packed into a human mind anyway. And some things are difficult, if not unfeasible or even “impossible” to determine or know – or certainly at least for any mere human brain to reasonably comprehend. So, … what’s the “big deal” about some unknowns – even on “big” stuff. Why does that make some folks so uncomfortable?

Heck, human psychology ‘n all that, there’s even a whole lot that’s made up! – to fill in some of those gaps where the unknown is. Too often that’s even passed off as “truth”. Of course, not too infrequently, sooner or often later later (if at all) we (finally) learn that was highly incorrect – if not entirely – or nearly so, just total incorrect made up bull, and has nothing to do with reality. “Oops”.

Will the sun come up tomorrow? Will the Earth still exist tomorrow? I don’t know. I guess probably, but it’s not like it’s something I particularly worry about. And were I to, tomorrow, find those things to not be the case? Well, so what, I guess “my” “day” would then be rather different, huh? Why do folks hold so strongly onto the way they think things are, or must be, or must continue to be? Mere human doesn’t have much influence on the great overwhelming vast majority of all that, and can really only comprehend a teensy speck of it – and even at that, much of it quite incorrectly. So what if it’s unknown? Why is that like a “big deal” or something? Why are many humans so bent on some kind of continuity of perceived reality, existence, and of knowing – when so very much could not possibly be known, or even fully comprehended, by something as slight as a human brain?

Miserable, but … ;-)

2015-06-10 23:13:19 PDT

Yes, can’t say enough good things about _Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman_. I really like(/love) that show.

Year ago, had someone relatively wisely quite say “everything is relative”. Though I still don’t 100% agree with that, it does well fit at least the overwhelming vast majority of cases.

Anyway, I really love this bitter-sweet gem from _Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman_:
Mary Hartman: I feel much better, I really do, I feel much, much better.
Howard McCullogh: Ah, I’m glad Mary.
Mary Hartman: Of course I’m still miserable, but miserable isn’t so bad when you’re feeling better, you know what I mean? Especially when you’re feeling much, much better.
_Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman_ Episode 94

dream – escape(ism?)

2015-06-10 23:03:02 PDT

Another dream … I forget when it was … this morning? Yesterday morning? Evening/night before that? Anyway, sometime earlier this week.

Unfortunately I’ve forgotten most of the dream – even what I remembered of it upon waking. But what I do remember – escape – it was yet another escape dream – and quite interesting/fascinating. I think it was escape from jail or prison, or some form of captivity, and it was I, and I think one other person in captivity that escaped. And somehow – unfortunately I forget most of the details – it was very interesting/fascinating, and quite complex and detailed. A complex break/escape – I think it may have even involved cyber in some way, and some types of interesting context of circumstances both of the captivity, facility, and other contextual facets of the dream – but alas, don’t remember details now.

Hmmm, so, I wonder, “What meaning of this?” What’s my subconscious futzing with or trying to figure out or say? Or maybe it’d just gotten bored and found a newer genre of dream to try for a while that it finds less boring … thus far – escape(s) from various captivity(/ies). Or, … maybe a combination of factors. Maybe just looking for something interesting/different/challenging/suspenseful – something with some bit of risk/thrill?
Who knows. In any case, it was a quite interesting dream … if only I still remembered it much better than I do now. Maybe it simply keyed off recent item in news about two escapees, and thought, “Hey, I could do some dream material from that general theme.” Who knows.

dreams – random

2015-06-03 07:52:02 PDT

A couple quite recent dreams, just to mention. And to be clear, asleep and dreaming kind of dreams, in case there was any ambiguity.

So … think it was night before last (or more practically/specifically, morning day before yesterday – most commonly I’ll manage to do the most intense, memorable dreaming, shortly before I wake up or right up to when I wake up … but just more common than not – exceptions also far from rare).

So, dream, … not sure who was who – often where I am or if I’m one of the characters is relatively ambiguous, or may shift about.
Anyway, someone being buried in the sand, on a beach of sorts – or something like that. Male. Maybe me, maybe not, whatever – or may have shifted about.
Interesting bits, though, not like beach sand. More coarse. Not exactly like gravel, but size about like clay cat litter – except the shape, composition, color, of rock, I think it might’ve even been a bit redish. And, buried in this coarse sand of sorts, not exactly just like burying someone in the sand on the beach, but quite a bit deeper … not like 6 feet under, or anything like that, but far from person just laying on the beach and having sand piled atop them. Quite sunk – or dug – in, so with the sand piled atop them, didn’t make much of a mound at all, but only a modest rise where the person was buried in this “sand” of sorts. At one point, “I”, or someone, was slightly concerned if they could breathe okay … might’ve been thought that we’d not stuck in a straw for them to breathe through – but didn’t seem an issue or concern particularly, but more like a double-check … cleared a bit of sand away, asked ’em if they could breathe okay – also cleared the sand around one nostril – which somehow this seemed quite sufficient, got an answer in the affirmative from them … not sure exactly what happened after that – likely continued the burying in sand some more, while leaving one nostril exposed – though it wasn’t protruding up – was more like a conical dip into the sand down to where it exposed one nostril, fair bit beneath the level of the surrounding sand. Next bit I remember of that dream, and seems it was in short sequence after, I was laying back in some kind of mold that was being made for me – on what was roughly a railroad flat car – but seemed fair bit smaller and more agile, and rather fast. Rather like a roller coaster … except it didn’t go up and down, but did shift side-to-side, and turn quite a bit, and often relatively suddenly – so ridding it was rather like a roller coaster – but without the up/down component to it. Somehow this was “settling me in” to this mold/cast being made around me – basically half body cast, flat, of me lying flat on my back. And somehow this was going to be used as rather custom molded seating of sorts – but not seated, rather laying down stretched out flat – for me – as part of some space launch – to Mars. And, … I was rather cool with it, not particularly excited, anxious, seemed almost like a “whatever”. Seemed to me that I, and some small handful of folks were going to be launched via some space rocket to Mars. I also got the distinct impression it was a one-way trip, and I didn’t seem to particularly care or be concerned about that – got rather the distinct impression that there wasn’t really going to be anything I’d be leaving behind that I’d be missing – even though there was really quite nothing I’d be taking nor for me on Mars – would be just the tiny handful of us there. And I didn’t seem at all concerned about this – seems like my attitude/feelings on it was, “whatever” – no great loss – somehow I’d be living on Mars, with a very few others on that entire planet, and I had quite the nonchalant attitude about it.

Hmmmm, anyway, random possible thoughts on (partial) interpretations? … of course some of it, subconscious probably just dragged in some props/elements from semi-random recent exposures, experiences, thoughts, etc. Anyway, maybe something on alien/alienating/alienated/isolated/disconnected/disconnecting/desolate? But oddly too, in the dream, the “buried in the sand” part – felt a bit more connected – even if rather loosely and tenuous. And the forming of the mold around me on that railroad flatcar kind’a thing – that part of the “ride” felt kind’a neat and even a bit exhilarating – connection? – physical sensation – some G forces and – rather like a molded caress … though it was just the forming of a mold. And as I think of it, maybe some tie-ins between the “sand” of sorts, and it’s color, and composition, and Martian soil – seems relatively similar – probably that “sand” more like soil of Mars than beach sand.

And yesterday morning, another dream fragment – some kind of an escape from captivity – jail or something like that. Not sure what from or why, but got the impression I had been held when there was no reason for me to have been held … and not sure if it was “escape”, or release, or some of both. Don’t really remember much detail of that one, other than I escaped or was released, and impression that I shouldn’t have been held in there anyway.

Interpretation? Dear knows on that latter one – and mostly lacking details anyway. And, environmental, I think it was quite influenced by a highly recent video I’d seen where two people escaped from jail – one totally innocent, who’d been forced to escape at the same time as the other, by that other.

Depressing thought of the (earlier) week

2015-06-03 01:36:20 PDT

Okay, was earlier week (2015-05-10–2015-05-16), but in any case …

“terminal” days and … what I’d do with ’em. (& TED talk video) …

So, … couple months or so earlier, watched a TED talk video, specifically:, one can also read the transcript.

Okay, so perfectly fine video and all that.

Ah, but the depressing thought that occurred to me.
Terminal days – whether I had or created them, what would I do with them?
What are all those things in … say 6 months to a year or so – if I only had that many days left, … or was just going to insert such “terminal” days to use as if, what would I do with them? What would I want to do, see, explore, change, do more of, etc.
The depressing bit? Damn little. Couldn’t really think of hardly anything I’d want to or could do that is – or at least seems – reasonably feasible. Not quite that there’s nothing I’d want to do, etc. But really dang little, and most of what I’d be most interested in doing, seems pretty darn unattainable – at least for me – or at least quite improbable. So, … yeah, … that was my depressing thought of the week. Bleh.

Need better attitude, some stuff I actually really want to do and is feasible/probable, etc. Therein lies the rub.