Archive for March, 2013

Quiz: are you an introvert? (me: 19 out of 20)

2013-03-30 12:22:58 PST

Just another random test:
Quiz: are you an introvert?

And I got:

You scored 19 out of a possible 20

You have a tendency towards being introvert. The higher your score, the more introvert you probably are. The nearer to 10 your score is, the nearer to being an ambivert you are (yes, there really is such a word). But even if you answered every single question as an introvert or extrovert, that doesn’t mean that your behaviour is predictable across all circumstances. We can’t say that every introvert is a bookworm or every extrovert wears lampshades at parties any more than we can say that every woman is a natural consensus-builder and every man loves contact sports. As Jung felicitously put it, “There is no such thing as a pure extrovert or a pure introvert. Such a man would be in the lunatic asylum.

Ah, guess good thing I didn’t get a, uhm, “perfect” (20 of 20) score, though “no such thing as a pure …”.

Anyway, results relatively consistent with, e.g. I “vs.” E on Myers-Briggs.

Yeah, that might make it wee bit harder to, uhm, like … get a date?  Or … make a new friend?  Yeah.

“Nothin’ to see here, move along, move along …”



2013-03-24 05:51:32 PST

Should I “celebrate” me, and/or “my accomplishments” more?  Or at least once in a while, or something like that?

Rather recently got a “Let’s celebrate!” from a friend.  And my reaction/response (slight redacted) was: “Good to know I’m wanted, er, uhm, well, at least someone wants my <redacted> skills and capabilities, anyway.”  And in thinking a bit about that, and perhaps most notably my reaction/response, I started thinking, what have I celebrated of or about me or my accomplishments?  Really quite dang little … hardly anything at all.  I couldn’t really think of anything that particularly jumped to mind.

The traces of examples I could think of?  Well, did think a hair of my 50th birthday.  What did I do on the day?  I took the day off from work.  Who’d I celebrate it with?  On the day – mostly no one, … okay, got call from one member of immediate family – so got birthday wishes from that person, and one “family friend” that lives with that person – and did get something in the mail from said family member, and something arrived late from one other member of immediate family.  And did get nice wishes, via phone, from one friend.  Other than that?  Dragged myself out – didn’t see or meet with anyone I knew all day.  So I had a fairly nice walk and treated myself to a fairly good lunch, but nothin’ all that exciting, and certainly no major celebrating.  Did do a bit of slightly later (“deferred” / “rain check”) “celebrating” with one good close friend a couple days later.  That was sweet and touching.  What about … I dunno, … graduation?  School ceremony, and a dinner really – almost nothing else.  One sort’a kind’a party, but no big party, and not at all specifically for me – was put on by the school.  Awards, certificates, etc.?  Oh, I get those once in a while – certainly have gotten many.  Did I ever ‘celebrate’ any of those? Not really.  First time I got straight A’s in school, or the many subsequent times I did – did I celebrate those?  No.  First four college classes I took, got all A’s, and did I celebrate that?  No.  When, in key classes in my major in college, in classes of about 90 to 150 students, when I got the top score in the class on mid-term or final exam, did I celebrate?  No.  Was more like duck.  (When the instructor bases test grades upon the top test score, with 90% of top being A, 80% being B, etc., and I not only had top score but there was quiet a large gap between my score and the 2nd highest score – so much so I would’ve very substantially pulled down the average grades for the entire class, such is not the way to be popular and gain friends.  Fortunately, in that case, since my score was so high above the 2nd highest,the instructor decided to make an exception and based the grades upon the 2nd highest test score rather than the top score.).  So, really can’t think of much of anything I’ve “celebrated” – certainly at least regarding myself, anyway.  Oh, sure, sometimes maybe I’ll treat myself to dinner or a nice lunch as some minor “celebration” of … well, whatever (some (minor?) accomplishment or another), but even that I don’t do very often, and not in a big way – since it’s typically me dining alone anyway, and only me knowing why I even bothered to treat myself to dinner or whatever.

And it’s not like I lack in accomplishments.  I think it’s more so that I mostly don’t look at it “that way”.  Also, much of what I’ve accomplished is more a sum of a whole lot of, often much smaller parts, rather than hitting some “big thing” or milestone or the like.  It’s not like, oh my gosh, I’ve achieved X, where X is some particular major goal or accomplishment.  E.g. work/career – highly competent and skilled in what I do.  But I guess I mostly treat it more like an iterative process – always a bit more, doing a bit better, … and of course too, there’s always more to do and improve upon – so it’s not like it’s ever “done”.  It goes on.  Likewise on, e.g., personal stuff and growth.  It’s a process, not a “destination” – it’s not like one get there and then, “Oh, I’ve arrived, I can stop now.” – not at all.

Carrot – stick.  Ah, the “carrot and stick” approach.  Maybe I use (a bit) too much stick, and not quite enough carrot on myself?  Well, too much “carrot”, or in general, (over)inflating the ego doesn’t work well for me.  But, … balance.  There’s probably definitely – uhm, … “probably definitely” – that’s oxymoronic.  Let’s try that again.  There exists opportunity for better optimization.  Some more of the “reward” (celebrate, or whatever) – more “carrot” – and less stick (less of “beating myself up” and/or less of being (too) self-critical).  That could work well – or at least better.

Perhaps I’m just not that “into” celebrating.  I’m certainly not a “party animal” – never have been – in fact quite far from it.  But, ah, appreciation – appreciation is good, can be dang excellent.  Maybe I ought appreciate myself more – or more specifically many of the key, good, useful, significant, important even, things I do.  So, yes, appreciation is good.  Being appreciated by other(s) is particularly nice.  But most have at or close to zero clue what I do or why or what’s important to me – well, other than some semi-obvious parts around work/career.  But beyond that, most just do not know – at all.  I wonder if that ought to be “fixed”, and if so, how, or if it is even at all feasible?

Moral/ethical decisions – a useful technique

2013-03-18 03:37:53 PST

Just thought I’d mention, as I’ve often found it highly useful, and at least occasionally still do.  So, often having to make moral/ethical decisions.  A particular technique I’ve found highly useful, especially in two fairly common scenarios.  Those two fairly common scenarios being:
It’s a very tough moral/ethical decision to make, often quite complex with numerous factors and considerations involved, and often no where close to a “clear cut” choice as to which is the better moral/ethical choice. And one may often find oneself rather to quite uncertain which choice to make.
Another common scenario:
One has to make the moral/ethical choice pretty darn quickly. There may not be nearly as much time available to carefully consider it as one might much prefer to, but at least there’s some bit of time to give it at least a little bit of thought – but often little to no time beyond only that.

And the technique.  Not exactly like millions, or even billions of folks haven’t more-or-less suggested it before, at least in comparable or analogous forms.  I think I’d call or term it the “model” method.  Think of someone – actual, hypothetical, believed, whatever – doesn’t precisely matter.  But a particular someone – the someone who you think, if they had to make that decision, would be the best person to make the best and most moral/ethical decision on the matter that could be made.  Just think of that person, and think what they would decide.  Often, “just” imagining and thinking of that, it is rather to quite clear what they would decide.  And, that’s usually the “right” answer/decision.  Interesting bit is, one needn’t even understand why.  That may become very clear and apparent later – or perhaps even not.  But, it’s often a very useful technique for making moral/ethical decisions – and probably especially in the two scenarios I described.  I know I certainly have used it – and very well, on numerous occasions, and I’m sure I still at least occasionally still use it.  Not exactly “new news”.  I mean, folks have done the “WWJD” and the like for a long time.  But, certainly don’t have to limit oneself to thinking of a single “person” or even entity in that role.  Take it case-by-case.  For the case/decision at hand, think of whom (or what entity or whatever) would make the most moral/ethical/”best” decision for that decision at hand, and what they would decide.  Could be a religious figure/entity/person, some role model, mentor, teacher, leader, even “business” leader (if sufficiently/highly moral/ethical) – even a hypothesized/imagined ideal model of such – think of what they would decide.

Do one thing every day that … challenges, resolutions

2013-03-18 03:37:36 PST

“Do one thing every day that scares you.” – Eleanor Roosevelt
A pretty good quote. Of course one wouldn’t want to be foolhardy in implementing it. And there is quite little (is there really much of anything?) that “scares” me. But I have been quite thinking of that – “Do one thing every day” … that … what? Looking to improve, that “moves the needle”. Not “scares”. Challenges? No, not precisely that – I do like and take on challenges, often quite so! “Hard work”? Naw, I very often, often even quite highly willingly, take on very to quite hard, even very exhausting, draining, challenging, hard work. So, that’s not quite it either. More like a certain flavor of hard.

Do one thing every day that … tough? Work on something tough – to me – every day? I think closer, at least. So I went thesauri surfing. Tough, arduous, grueling, challenging, demanding, taxing – something roughly like that. Perhaps the precise “word” I’m looking for doesn’t exist in English – at least as some single English word. In any case, I think you get the general idea. So, I ought more work on some hard stuff – at least a bit, and generally every day. Something(s) not only difficult and challenging to me, but perhaps a more defining, at least commonly a characteristic, things I don’t like doing, but that are important to do. Be it merely having them “done” or having done them, or often more importantly, accomplishing some noteworthy things from having done them.

So yes, generally trying to be more aware and conscious of, and work in, and on, more of those tough items I ought be working on or working more on.  Not that there are specific things that jump out at me on that – e.g. that I’ve been quite skipping or avoiding.  No, not particularly that.  At least mostly it’s more a matter of shifting the balance – in terms of time, attention, energy, thought, focus, and work done and accomplished on, yes, ought to be getting some more of the tough stuff done and worked on.

My writing.  Yes, one of those tough things for me.  Oh, merely “cranking it out” – naw, that’s not hard for me, certainly at least not generally.  Writing better?  Ah, yes, getting warmer.  That’s fairly hard for me.  But I can do that.  That’s not the most useful – or hard and challenging place to “work on” that.  No, not the “merely” writing (much) better.  That I can do … just takes me friggin’ forever – well, like about three to five times as long as merely “cranking it out” plus an additional pass or two to edit to fix the more egregious errors (typos, spellos, and essentially unparseable bits).  No, what’s really hard and challenging, and that I’ve not yet achieved – or at least haven’t managed to do it well in a very long time – I “need” (or sure as heck ought) to write well and efficiently.  Notably efficiently of my time.  ‘Cause if/when I fail to write both well and efficiently, the results are … well, either the writing is pretty sucky, or I end up consuming far too much of my time – and to not get all that much written, or very commonly, it simply just doesn’t get written at all – I just don’t do it.  So, yes, at least one of those though things I ought do much better at is writing efficiently well.  I probably need to practice that … a lot.  :-)  I think a helluva lot of it has to do with (better) organizing it in my head before I manage to type out much or hardly or even any of it.  And I did think of one useful technique on that sometime within the last year or two – I believe I even wrote a bit about that – but can’t presently locate that.  It was of writing, in terms of thinking, as having a dialog – almost in an “interview” format.  Well, probably lots of other useful bits, but need to much improve the writing efficiency.  And it needs to happen before much/most of the text is typed out, as once that’s done, it’s, at least for me, highly resource (time!) intensive to quite substantially improve what I’ve already typed out.  So, I need to learn more and better techniques to improve my writing efficiency – and practice them!  Many other things to work on (and incrementally improve and/or give more time/attention to), but that’s at least one example that comes to mind.

“Resolutions” – and, again, the heck with waiting for a new year or the like to start.  No time like the present! :-) (and yes, been working on that earlier “resolution” too – incremental improvements anyway, longstanding “habit” of many years, so not a quick and easy fix/change)

my blogging – why? What’s best – time, priorities, trade-offs, my writing …

2013-03-14 13:54:20 PST

My blogging, “release”, sharing, writing, time, priorities.

like blogging, really quite do.  I get to write, and share.  And too, I get to be less redundant, as I can refer, or even link, back to what I wrote before.

All well and good?  The blogging that is?  Sort’a kind’a mostly … or at least approximately so(?).

Why, why do I like to and often quite enjoy blogging … even feel “compelled” to do so?  And is that a good thing, or … not so good, or some mix?

What about time and priorities, how much time ought (and/or ought not) I be putting into it?  Are there things I should be improving in/with it?  Like … optimizing nature and extent of time(/concern/thought) I put into it, or optimizing me out of it, and/or any and all influences and impacts I have on anyone (and “everyone”) else through my blogging, all for the greater good?  Yeah, a lot of “yes” answers there, but how exactly, and balanced how and to what extent with other relevant concerns?

Questioning is, comparatively, easy, answering, not necessarily so.  And coming to the correct answer or conclusion(s) can also, at least sometimes, be tricky, involved, or even quite complex.

Answers?  Well, thoughts at least.  And not in necessarily any particular order.

Why?  Why the blogging, what got me started, what keeps me going, what are my, at least main, motivations to blog?  It kind’a started as an outgrowth/extension of OkCupid, and my profile thereupon.  And also too, probably secondarily then – but probably primary now.  A place to express and be heard – maybe even potentially understood.  And perhaps even more critically – at least (far too) much of the time, a place, an “outlet” when I have no other, or nearly so.  Don’t have that relationship?  Check <cough> (buggers, but true).  What about close friend(s)?  Uhm, what about close friends I can really communicate well with – like sit down and have a long serious revealing conversation – where I’m comfortable with them, they supportive of me, well able to listen, and very capable and up to a lot of listening from me – at least a fair bit of the time or more-or-less when I “need” to?  Uhm, well, am very thankful for what I do have – have gained an excellent friend within the past year.  That’s good, … damned important even, and does help a lot.  But, said friend and I, being quite available to me to be able to sit down and have / listen to a long, and potentially rather/quite “deep” conversation like that?  Not gonna detail, but, not that I couldn’t, but it just ain’t gonna happen like that.  :-/  Nobody’s ‘fault’ at all, not in the least, just is how it is.  Analogies often suck, but, roughly – think of it like I wanna be able to do a firehose of communication.  Or, well, at least a full running garden hose.  Not like all the time, but at least fair bit of the time, or at least have that available/possible.  But, what can be done is more like moderate trickle.  Not to knock moderate trickle – as it does add up over time – even very substantially so.  But regardless, it is significantly limiting, and may always be the case there.  So, that still leaves me sort’a kind’a quite alone in a very substantial way.  And, for mostly lack of anywhere else, it gets “dumped”, spilled, revealed, exposed, shared – on blog.  Or really, more accurately, on blogs.  So, quite a bit goes “here”, this blog – “public”, but pseudo-anonymous.  So, I feel I can “reveal a lot” here, but too, there’s also lots I wouldn’t put here, or would be very anonymized/filtered in how I put it on here.  So, that’s a big chunk of “why” – a “release” – a way of communicating to someone(s) where that is or may be otherwise mostly or (almost?) entirely lacking.  Kind’a “it’s got no where else to go!”  Sad?  Maybe, but reality.  That’s not the only reason, but key among them.  Kind’a a “therapy”, “release”, sharing, rather/quite needed.  (Throw myself upon/at “the masses”?).  But there’s more to it than that.  Sometimes I just wanna share.  Good stuff, bad stuff, stuff I found interesting or observed, cool stuff, things of concern or interest to me, stuff I just feel like sharing – period.  Blogs?  Yes, more than one.  I’ve also much more highly restricted blog(s), which I use for communicating with/to or also with/to a very select set and number of persons, and much more privately and confidentially.  How many persons?  How close and well trusted, etc.?  Very to exceedingly close and well trusted?  How many?  Uh, think of it more like a theoretical set.  May be zero to, I think a theoretical max of about 3, in such set at any given point in time.  So, yeah, some separate private blog(s) for that, communicating to “them” and/or specific person(s) within.  So yeah, at least in (major? or at least significant) part, much of the blogging is that I don’t have that person I could simply talk with/to.  Haven’t really, in years or more now.  And, unfortunately, that’s been the case much more than not most of my (especially adult) life.  “Oh well” – is what it is.  Not like I’ve not tried to “fix” that.  Put a whole helluva lot of time and effort into that.  And, … well, … not all that much to show for it.  Friggin’ lonely planet of humans.  Billions of humans, and, well, way too many of ’em spending way to much of the time feeling (and “being”) that way.  And that sure as hell includes me – at least way too much of the time.  Okay, enough with the pity party cr*p – at least for now.  Even if I threw a pity party, likely nobody’d show up to it except me – hell, maybe even I wouldn’t bother to go to my own pity party – would be pretty sucky ‘party’ anyway, right?  Not that I ever was a ‘party animal’ or anything close, or even particularly keen on parties.  But, a pity party?  Bleh.

All well and good?  Time/priorities?  I think it’s mostly a good thing.  Sure, I’m human, I’m definitely not perfect – an intrinsic characteristic of being human, after all.  But, I think, not only does it generally help me, but more importantly, I think overall it’s a good thing.  Helps me.  Doesn’t really or particularly hurt anyone else (my blogging, that is), and (much?) more often than not helps (or at least entertains?) others, provides some “useful” – or at least (somewhat?) interesting stuff about me and/or other stuff, to read and consider, etc.  Not that it does all those things at once, or most commonly many or all – or even any of them.  But, on balance, probably (mostly?) a “good thing”.  And useful.  At least in parts.  And also thinking more generally too about the private blogging bits too.  Other(s), at least sometimes, find it quite useful/helpful – or even just informative and … illuminating?  Or something like that.  But, do still want to keep in mind, and pretty much at all times, whatever ‘flavor’ of blog, whenever, wherever, and to whatever audience – is it a good thing?  Am I doing it as I ought?  Yeah, sure, it won’t be perfect, definitely.  But on balance, a good thing?  And, any given bit I’m putting in, or thinking of putting in on blog, is or would that be a good thing?  Or ought I rather just leave it out – cover it elsewhere … somehow, sometime, if I ever get reasonably suitable and appropriate opportunity – just leave it off blog and “unsaid” until … well, … maybe forever.  And, … time/priorities.  Balance.  “Against” where/how I ought be spending my time, efforts, energies.  Is it the “right” balance?  More?  Less?  And/or … quite depends upon circumstances and timing?  I’m really not all that sure about that – particularly attempting to answer the “how much”, and what’s best/optimal in that regard.  So yeah, certainly at least at times – and given circumstances (notably lack of most any other “outlet”), I feel pretty darn … compelled to blog.  It even feels good – sometimes even damn good (hmm, conflict of interest or potential thereof?).  Yet, too, it’s hard.  Hard to “dump” / write out – especially the rather to quite personal.  Even harder doing it “out there to the world” – where I don’t even know who’s going to read it.  And, at least sometimes, quite harder too, on private blog – trying to determine what to “say”, reveal, ask, comment upon, etc. – and how – and “vs.” just letting it go or not touching upon it at all.

Time/priorities & my writing.  And my writing does kind’a rather suck.  I get that feedback, well, … uh, at least semi-regularly.  It tends to be, approximately, stream of consciousness.  Not exactly, but semi-close.  Usually things I’ve at least thought of writing about ahead of time, but typically haven’t “fully” formed in my head.  And often, as I write it, I’ll find it takes somewhat to quite different twists and turns.  Not uncommon that I find, as I write it, that what I really wanted to say – or “needed” to, was something a fair bit different than what I thought when I’d, typically, very roughly outlined in my head what I wanted to “say”/address.  And, it takes me too damn long!  The writing takes me quite a while – too long, to actually “crank” out and turn into a blog posting – likewise with most any of my longer writing (heck, even often with my shorter or even much shorter writing!).  Yeah, the idea(s) in head to typing it “all” out, that goes fairly fast.  Not nearly as fast as I could rattle it off my tongue had I someone to actually sit and tell it to.  But, at least roughly, we’re talking same order of magnitude.  So, not nearly as fast and efficient as talking, but, well, still at least not absurdly slow, “costly”, and inefficient.  But, … that’s mostly just the first rough pass.  Sort’a like a “first draft” – but not even up to that level of, uh, <cough> quality.  And then, I reread, and edit – fixing, adding, reading and tripping over my own writing (WTF did I write?  Let me attempt to read that sentence again and make sense of it.  Oh.  Yeah, that’s cr*p – need to rewrite it so it can be reasonably parsed and comprehended).  And of course, almost inevitably, it tends to grow longer and larger as I do so.  Not entirely a bad thing.  Often there are additional things/points I want to cover, further clarify, add, etc., so, that’s – in many regards, at least “okay”.  But, the overall bulk … not so good.  And the (dis)”organization” – uh, yeah, that leaves a lot to be desired.  A whole helluva lot.  Oddly, or perhaps at least somewhat surprisingly to me, some folks quite like my writing style – but I think, at least statistically, they’re quite the minority.  Most, … I dunno, don’t have the patience to wade through it all?  Not like I ought to expect most to have the level of time and attention needed to wade through it all and make (reasonable) sense of whatever I’d typically written.  So, yeah, multiple passes of rereading and editing and tweaking – takes much more time on my part – like increases the amount of time I end up putting into it by roughly about a factor of three.  And, unfortunately, for that 3x investment of time and energy, it doesn’t end up a whole helluva lot better than what I first typed out.  :-/  Mostly just spello/typo/braino fixes, edit fixes to make some bits less than hopelessly unparseable and way confusingly (typically run-on or poorly or improperly punctuated) horribly written.  So, yeah, 3x, and it doesn’t get all that much better.  And, going from (theoretical, at least) spoken, to (first) written, to even still rather crudely “edited” “final” writing/posting – adding that extra 3x in there, it’s then way hella lot less efficient and much much more time consuming than just having a conversation – or heck, even delivering an ad hoc speech.  I suppose, at least “public” (pseudo-anonymous) blog does, though, have the (relative) advantage of “reaching” – or at least potentially so – a lot more people.  And, on-line and all, can be linked, searched out, found/read (much) later, (re)discovered, etc.  So, it has those advantages too.

Opportunity?  Yeah, my writing sort’a kind’a mostly more-or-less sucks.  Once upon a time it was better (well, not in all regards, but many key regards) – certainly more efficient, both on my time, and that of any reader or potential reader.  So, maybe I ought look on it as an opportunity to also improve my writing – and efficiency thereof (both for myself, and those reading my writing).  I don’t know, though, sometimes I think it’s a (relatively) lost cause.  “You got it or you don’t.”  Like, I’ve darn near zero artistic talent.  I don’t think practice is the kind of thing that would (significantly) improve that.  Sometimes – often? – I think(/fear) similarly of my writing.  Geez, I’m already past 50.  In my lifetime I have written quite a bit – certainly at least in total, and in various forms.  Yeah, sure, some of it does improve – at least some modest bits over time.  But, really?  Sure there’s lots of room for improvement.  But will I, or will I even be able to improve my writing all that much?  Paint me skeptical.  Though, I ought at least try.  “Do or do not.  There is no try.” – Yoda.  Well, I think that’s a kind’a sucky quote, but there certainly is a point to it.  And, on the positive side, there are some things I can do to improve my writing, uh, “style” <cough, cough>.  So, yeah, probably best I keep those things in mind, and continue to work on ’em, … at least as feasible.  And, along with whole lot ‘o other stuff I best at least generally keep in mind.  All quite a balancing act – decisions, trade-offs, time, priorities, various and numerous considerations, and what is best – overall?

Go ahead and set me up! :-)

2013-03-12 07:25:48 PST

So, me & “dating” and “that relationship stuff” – heck, even potential friednship(s) – yup, I’ve for the most part quite a lack (major gap, “hole”) there, but not for lack of interest!  Heck, not really for lack of trying or effort either – been a whole lot ‘o that.  Just trying to be more efficient and practical (and realistic) on that (e.g. psychological survival), and not get myself (so) bummed and – frankly exhausted and burnt out (not to mention horribly inefficient and relatively futile) – putting lots and lots of time and effort into where it essentially goes absolutely nowhere (e.g. OkCupid).  So, …


Seriously.  At least statistically generally speaking, whole lot ‘o relationships, friendships, and the best thereof … doesn’t come from some on-line dating site, but rather via personal referrals and social (and professional) networks.  And me, being rather shy, private, etc. – not to mention not having a whole lot in the way of social or professional networks (and I tend to also not mix the personal into the professional!), well, I don’t have a whole lot of – even potential – leads there.  Heck, even this here is pseudo-anonymous.  It’s not like I’m running around telling everyone I know, “Oh yeah, I’m single … and could certainly do with leads/contacts on someone I might get along with quite well or better.” … naw, haven’t said that at all for the most part – so relatively few know (other than fair number knowing I’m single, but even that is mostly limited to just a handful or so – most I don’t tell what is or isn’t goin’ on with me regarding “relationship” … or … total lack thereof :-/).  So, yeah, go ahead and “set me up”, or, more specifically, any potential leads/contacts appreciated.  And needn’t be (capital-RRelationship – heck, decent potential for friendship is quite fine too – it’s not like I’ve some overwhelming number of friends, no, quite the opposite.  So, really, all leads/contacts or potential thereof, quite appreciated.  But, well, not particularly interested in long distance – had my (over)fill of that – wanting to be with/around someone and generally, mostly, or always never being able to actually be with/around them – well, that gets to be highly sucky and limiting after a while.

So, yeah, go ahead and “set me up”, provide those leads/contacts, whatever.  Think that person might be too … problematic, “needy”, “basket case”, “trouble”, whatever?  Don’t worry, I’ll figure it out and deal with it (and run if I need to) – but not too likely I’d do that.  If they’re (far) too much of a “sink hole” for me, well yeah, I may give up and walk away from that – but I don’t tend to give up easily.  So, if you think that is or may be the case, you could always give me a head’s up :-) – I would quite appreciate that, and in any case, I’m generally going to figure “it” out sooner or later anyway – what’s going on, their situation, who they are as a person, etc., and … it’ll be workable, or … it won’t be.  Don’t really know ’till I try.  Have been through a helluva lot with some friends and/or relationships – so – can handle and take on a lot.  But, it’s not like I’m especially looking to take on something that’s all disaster and drain and nothin’ else, but too, things may look different to me on that, than to you or someone else.

“set up” – uhm, and not like a “blind date” (at least generally and probably not) – basic contact information or introduction or something like that.  We’ll figure it out from there.

Ah, but relationship(s), they don’t fix everything!  Yes, quite true.  Not to say I’m broken.  “Gotta love yourself!” – uhm … that “love self” thing doesn’t work for me – like – like myself – that works well enough for me – I sure as heck don’t hate myself, anyway.  (Sure I’m self-critical, but I’m not mean or nasty about it.).  “But relationships don’t fix anything!” – I call bull on that claim.  I do a helluva lot better in good relationship – always have in good relationships.  Even do much better having good friendship(s) – certainly compared to quite lacking in such.  And it’s not just me.  Look at some objective measures such as happiness, contentment, longevity.  Homo sapiens do (much! – or at least significantly) better in (good) relationships and with (good) friends / support/social network(s).  So, yeah, that stuff does matter – and is quite important!  So, don’t tell me it doesn’t fix anything.

And it’s not like I’m bad friendship or relationship material.  Not at all.  The friends I have and have had, do and have quite to highly appreciated me (sucks when they die or some shit like that happens).  Likewise on the relationship stuff.  The good relationships I’ve been in (heck, even some that weren’t good!), “she”, generally always quite to highly interested in me.  It’s not like I’ve “scared off” or chased away many (or even any at all?).  Sure, some (even many!) have found they weren’t interested in me – namely those I never even got into a relationship with – or even particularly close.  But the vast majority of those (probably over 98%?) never even got to know me very well at all – in most cases hardly knew me at all.  (Not that there’s something “wrong” with me, but everyone’s got their personal preferences and “taste” and what they want (and don’t want), etc., and … well, whole lot of the time it’s just not going to be a good “fit”, not that there’s anything “wrong” with either of the persons involved).  So yeah, really, I do make for quite the fine friend – even relationship.  Not that I’m perfect, not at all – nobody is.  But lot ‘o excellent qualities, and make some persons a great friend – or more.

A sampling of my opinion on …

2013-03-07 17:00:14 PST

A (recent) sampling of my opinion on a few random things, presented as … well, links to my comments on some blogs of others.  Might also help to read/skim the blog entries (and/or comments as applicable) to which my comments are a reply.  Anyway, listing them here, more so by what I addressed/commented upon, rather than necessarily precisely the top of the blog (or blog comment) to which I responded.

(In some cases, notably if my comment is rather to quite near the bottom, one might need to read down a bit in one’s browser to get to my comment(s).  The “anchor” tags on these URLs should otherwise get you automagically positioned down to where my comment starts, with that at the top in one’s browser view – at least once the page has sufficiently loaded.)

Guns, massacres / mass shootings, and stopping/preventing such (primarily in context of United States)

Racism (in music?!?!?!)

Space program (NASA), moon landing, spending, priorities, different times – then – and now

Finding that special someone: “dating” sites, “on-line”, “specialized” dating sites, some of my experiences with specialized dating sites, and no, that’s not how it worked there(!)

Valentine’s Day – smiles – despite it all

Building/having that great personal and professional network … “oops” … (mostly) not there … “oh well”, bit better than it was, anyway

human decency (and common sense) – missing/gone in America? (or on threatened/endangered list?) and … taking action

99 Questions (nobody ever asks?) … and (my) “answers” (/responses)

2013-03-06 00:27:29 PST

So, seems to be making the rounds, presently as “99 Questions nobody ever asks”, among other variations.

I did a bit of searching, thought I’d try to find the earliest “original” set of (essentially) same set of questions I could find.  Looks like it goes back to around 2001 or 2000 … possibly earlier, but I can at least (easily) find it back to 2001 or a bit earlier.

Anyway, taking “that” as “earliest” “original” set of questions for that particular set I can find, and placing that here (along with some slight editing corrections), with my “answers”/responses – for your information or reading pleasure or “entertainment” or whatever:

  1. Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed?  Let me put it this way.  I typically wouldn’t make any adjustments to the state or position of any closet doors on account of my going to sleep or sleeping.  So closet door(s) would likely remain wherever and however they were – closed, open, or cracked or ajar or whatever – state not at all dependent upon or related to my sleeping.  So, are you presuming I have closet(s) and/or they have doors?
  2. Do you take the shampoos and conditioner bottles from hotel?  Yes, typically, the “free”/complimentary ones provided with the room.  And yes I use them, sometimes even reuse/refill the little bottles for convenient travel use.  I don’t stay in hotels or the like very often, so I don’t exactly have an oversupply.  If I had more of those available to me than I could reasonably use or give away, I probably wouldn’t take them, but thus far that’s not the case.
  3. Do you sleep with your sheets tucked in or out?  Varies, but typically with sheets they may or would be tucked, or loosely, tucked in … but they typically don’t end up that way – I tend to kick ’em out – unless perhaps it’s rather to quite cool/cold in the room, then more likely they’ll remain tucked in.
  4. Have you ever stolen a street sign before?  Never.
  5. Do you like to use post-it notes?  Eh, whatever.  I use ’em when fitting, convenient, and well suited, etc.  I don’t use them as general matter of habbit or practice.  They’re very handy for some uses – but for many other uses, just some ordinary small bit of paper will do just fine.
  6. Do you cut out coupons but then never use them?  Fairly rare I cut or clip out coupons, though I do fairly commonly retain them until they’re past expired – or I happen to actually use them – in which case I might cut/tear/trim/pull them out.
  7. Would you rather be attacked by a big bear or a swarm of a bees?  I suppose that might quite depend.  I guess maybe I’d pick the bear, … but how large a swarm of bees?
  8. Do you have freckles?  None that I’m aware of.
  9. Do you always smile for pictures? No.  Typically yes, but certainly not always.
  10. What is your biggest pet peeve?  Egad, too many to name.  Select off-the-top-of-my-head sample of some towards the “top” (or “bottom”?) of that list of biggest/bigger pet peeves:  Mean, nasty, inconsiderate people; waste; stubborn ignorance; cruelty; those damn near impossible to open ecologically horrible heavy plastic retail packagings (you know the ones I’m talking about, y’all hate ’em too, and we know it!); etc., etc.
  11. Do you ever count your steps when you walk?  Sometimes, but more commonly stairs.  E.g. some sets of stairs I’d take quite regularly I’d know hat 101 and 104 steps in them, and yes, I’d count them … not frequently, but at least semi-regularly – bit more than “occasionally”, anyway.  Oh, does pedometer count? … I mean figuratively, not literally.
  12. Have you ever peed in the woods?  Not sure, but probably have.
  13. What about pooped in the woods?  Not sure, but most likely not.
  14. Do you ever dance even if there’s no music playing?  Yes, but probably only quite to exceptionally rarely.  But taping/moving foot, hand, leg, finger(s), arm, whatever, more commonly.
  15. Do you chew your pens and pencils?  Nope, don’t think I ever did really – certainly at least not regularly, anyway.
  16. How many people have you slept with this week?  Zero.  Oh wait, I forgot to count myself.  One.  Oh, wait, do you mean sleeping with?  None of your damn business.
  17. What size is your bed?  Bigger than a breadbox.  Smaller than a bedroom.  Uh, it’s a futon.  Also have a bed, but doesn’t fit as well where I am presently.  Want the size of that bed?  Who cares, whatever, I think it’s twin sized.
  18. What is your Song of the week?  Don’t have a “song of the week”.  Latest song in my head – at least as of this (well, Tuesday as I was first writing this) morning: Sting: “Russians”, specific bit from the lyrics: “the Russians love their children too”.  Been wanting to hear that all day – just queued it up and started it playing.  And how’d that song get in my head?  Happened to be thinking about the TV series The Americans this morning.  Anyway, was a different time, cold war was very much there – song, highly fitting to the time – the lyrics, and even quite the whole feel to it, just so aptly fitting.  So yeah, it jumped to mind and … stuck.  And as I listen to it and think of it again, it occurs to me in many ways, elements of that song sound quite similar to fair bit of Koyaanisqatsi – a movie I very much like – definitely my favorite “art” movie – also from around that same time period.  I can certainly imagine quite an interplay and transition between the two tracks in my head.
  19. Is it okay for guys to wear pink?  Absolutely.
  20. Do you still watch cartoons?  Yes, but typically quite rarely.  I quite like the Pink Panther – always thought the Pink Panther to be a quite cool character.  Also quite like Family Guy, especially the character Lois Griffin, and notably the interplay among … well, pretty much all the “main” characters, but particularly if Lois, Brian, or Stewie are involved in the interplay … rather/quite like the politics to.  “Good”, certainly entertaining – but alas, time, priorities – exceedingly rarely watch any cartoons these days.
  21. Whats your least favorite movie?  Egad, Spawn, the director’s cut edition.  If anyone ever brings that movie anywhere close to you, run!
  22. Where would you bury hidden treasure if you had some?  Now, wouldn’t be much use if I told you, eh?  On the other hand, if I make a map and also separately bury that
  23. If you’re a girl, bra size? If you’re a guy, pants size?  Not sure precisely.  Uhm, no, I’m a guy, not a girl, that I’m quite sure of.  Pants size – haven’t been properly “sized” in a long time, but still fit my 30 30 pants, though they’re on the snug side.  My pants are mostly Levi’s 501 original blue denim shrink-to-fit … 32 36 … but that’s before shrinkage.  And yes they all still fit – and always have … to varying degrees of snugness over the years, … but presently (and for some years now) I don’t think any of ’em are uncomfortably or “too” snug.  Weight has varied a fair bit over the years – mostly not at all quickly, but rather slowly over time … down a significant bit from “peak” weight … though the highest weight wasn’t all that high or much higher than at least approximately around where I’ve been most of my adult life.  Uhm, … and who cares, really?  And sure you can tell me if you want – but I don’t need to know your bra size.  Geez.
  24. What do you dip a chicken nugget in?  Ew, as in McDonald’s?  Yuck.  Don’t think I’ve consumed one of those since … probably sometime in 1985.  Egad, if I had to eat one of those dipped in one of McDonald’s sauces? I guess BBQ, but not really sure what sauces they have now, and that’s the only one I remember off-the-top-of-my-head.
  25. What is your favorite food?  Far too many to name.  A partial sampling off-the-top-of-my-head: my favorite pizza from my favorite Italian restaurant.  It’s damn good.  I could tell you, but then I’d have to kill you.  Okay, not that secret, but they’re busy enough – I don’t want to have to wait longer or pay more for that fine pizza (it’s not cheap as it is).  Some particular items some in my life do or have made.  I quite like the Szechuan eggplant that I make (okay, many restaurants make it rather to quite well too, but that’s a bit hit-and-miss).  Oven roasted turkey – hard to go wrong with that.  Some particularly excellent Mexican fish tacos (including also some I’ve occasionally made myself).  My own BBQ, notably stuff made and prepared exactly as I like: cheeseburger with all the top quality bits, fixin’s and toasted bun done just right, fire roasted red bell peppers, excellent fresh corn on the cob roasted in the husk – once I did that there’s no goin’ back, even in the kitchen, toss it whole, in husk, in oven – 10 to 20 minutes, flip it over, another 10 to 20, it’s done (and on the BBQ, much faster, but more flippin’ to avoid overcooking/burning); my own homemade pasta and pasta sauce – yum!; best damn pasta I ever had at an Italian restaurant – a particular pasta at a particular restaurant; much etc.
  26. What movies could you watch over and over and still love?  There are probably at least a few, to perhaps several or more; how frequently would likely be a significant factor.  One of them would certainly be 2001: A Space Odyssey.  Probably several others, but I’m not really sure.  Likely Pulp Fiction.  Seems there are other excellent ones that would, for me, well qualify too, but that just aren’t jumping to mind.  Ah, there’s The Wall, and Kill Bill (vols. 1 & 2).  Whole other category, but there are excellent films I’m damn glad I saw, but would probably prefer to never see again, e.g.: Standard Operating Procedure.
  27. Last person you kissed/kissed you?  Yes, I quite certainly know, and no, I’m not gonna say.  (And yeah, I also don’t “kiss and tell”, but that’s not exactly the most relevant point).
  28. Were you ever a boy/girl scout?  No.  Even as a young kid, I quite didn’t like that saluting “progression” on finger count from 2 to 3 to 4 finger salute in military draft off to Vietnam to get ordered to kill people and get one’s brains blown out – no, I pretty much avoided any of those flavors of “service”.
  29. Would you ever strip or pose nude in a magazine?  Improbable.  What’s the “reason”/scenario?
  30. When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper?  Not sure, but I think it’s been a fair while – probably about 1.5 years ago; if you count writing on card (purchased or made), and more than essentially just greeting(s)/salutation(s), a sign-off and signature, then I could count at least one or two (do “notes” on paper count?) within the last 30 days, and if we include postcards, probably add another 1 to 4 to the count within the past year’s worth of time.
  31. Can you change the oil on a car?  Yes, and have done so.
  32. Ever gotten a speeding ticket?  No.  I rarely speed.  I have gone 58.3 MPH on bicycle, though, … in a 50 MPH zone … when the national speed limit was 55 MPH.
  33. Ever ran out of gas?  A) Yes, B) vehicle gas guage wasn’t working, C) had gas can in vehicle with gas in it just particularly on account of that guage situation; pulled over & poured that in, drove off, D) only ever ran out of gas that one time, been licensed driver well over 34 years now (zero moving violations, zero at-fault accidents).
  34. Favorite kind of sandwich?  When I was a kid it was grilled cheese.  Not sure exactly now – don’t do sandwiches all that regularly … perhaps ruben, or fresh oven roasted turkey (not that processed gunk) on some multi-grain wheat with onion, lettuce, tomato, alfalfa sprouts, cranberry sauce, and some Dijon mustard.
  35. Best thing to eat for breakfast?  That’s a different question than favorite.  “Best” … at least that I have done or would do regularly … oatmeal, with a bit of low-fat or non-fat milk, and optionally, for variety add, e.g.: raisins, sliced banana, other fruit or fruit bits or dried fruit(s) or cut bits thereof, cinnamon and bit of sugar or some honey (or honey without the cinnamon); and probably with that some fruit juice – e.g. apricot, cranberry, grape, apple, …
  36. What is your usual bedtime?  Uhm, bedtime, … usual?  <cough, cough>
  37. Are you lazy?  No, definitely not.  But some things might appear as lazy, while not really being so.  E.g. efficient.  Though certainly not 100% consistent on that, I don’t like to waste – and that often includes time/effort.  So, e.g., something that takes 20 to 120 minutes to do oh, say each of 4 to 20 times a month, I may take that task, write a program and turn it instead into something that takes 5 minutes or less per occurrence.  Some might call that lazy; I’d call it efficient.  I then use the freed time for things more appropriate for and “requiring” of human, than things which can be done (mostly) by computer alone.  And sometimes I get frustrated, or discouraged or demotivated or whatever.  That might look like “lazy”, but upon closer examination, it’s not lazy at all.  And mowing the lawn – I’ll use the push mower, thanks – don’t need no motor fuel or electricity to mow a lawn, geez.  Naw, not lazy.  I do a lot of hard work – sometimes even go quite out of my way to do so.  But generally that’s to get something done/accomplished (e.g. exercise and fresh air along with some needed R&R, change of pace, and actually getting some useful stuff done all at the same time; ah, could use with getting about 50 lbs. of groceries … from that store 2 or more miles away, sure, I’ll pack and haul/carry that – on bicycle or me … don’t need no motor vehicle or public transportation for that; exercise is good, good when exercise also does something useful besides just the exercise itself (and health benefits thereof)).
  38. When you were a kid, what did you dress up as for Halloween?  Oh, various things, but a few I remember, some kind of … robot or alien or … Martian?, some Speed Racer character, Frankenstein, a mummy (college, dorms, starving student budget, “unlimited” supply of complimentary toilet paper, add some tape and instant costume … yeah, at least 3 of us independently came up with and had that exact same idea and costume and showed up at same Halloween event), something crudely approximating a lumberjack.
  39. What is your Chinese astrological sign?  I don’t know and I’ve no interest to bother to look.
  40. Are you horny?  None of your damn business (unless of course it is?).
  41. Do you have any magazine subscriptions?  Yes, sort of.  At present they’re only either A) complimentary (in many cases with qualifying subscription criteria or event attendance or the like), or B) complimentary as part of some type of membership.  These days, a whole helluva lot of what I read is online/electronic or available as such – even many of the publications that I used to regularly read in print are typically available on-line (free, or paid, and in most cases as alternative or in some cases replacement, for print).  But thus far still quite nice to have at least some things in hand in print; but for many, electronic is more convenient (and much more ecological!).
  42. Which are better Legos or Lincoln Logs?  Legos, but Lincoln Logs are cool too.  I think Legos were more cool when there was more creativity/imagination, and a whole lot less of so many specialized and custom pieces and kits and the like.  Used to be there were a much smaller variety of “bricks” and pieces one would use with Legos … and a lot of imagination and creativity … and great things got built.  Tinker Toys are cool too – but I think they were even more cool when most or all the pieces were wood – a lot of the plastic Tinker Toy pieces are … well, … crap.
  43. Are you stubborn?  Sort’a.  It’s really a matter of what.  E.g. principles, I tend not to compromise or budge on such matters of importance.  That could be regarded as “stubborn”.  I can be (doggedly?) persistent – some might regard that as “stubborn”.  But otherwise, generally stubborn?  No.  I’m generally always willing to reconsider my opinion, and possibly change my mind, approach, or direction, etc., and do so more than occasionally.
  44. Who is better…Leno or Letterman?  Letterman.  Not only is Letterman funnier, but, flaws and all, he’s always struck me as the “better” person as a human being.  But neither are as classy as Carson was – will be damn hard to top that as an excellent example of top notch talk show host and good, classy comedian.
  45. Ever watch soap operas?  Dang near never.  Does Soap count?  (probably not exactly, but it was good, and more so parody of soaps than soap itself).  I think when I was a kid sick at home, too sick to go to school, not sick enough to just sleep it all off – I probably watched some soap operas, among other things.  But I think you gotta make me pretty sick before I’ll watch ’em.  I think that’s probably the last time I watched me.  Don’t think I particularly ever cared for ’em or would likely ever watch them again.  Drama can be good, but … at least for me, soaps, … way too long, slow, drawn-out.  That’s one of the reasons I quite liked Soap.  What the typical soap opera would take months or more to do in weekdaily hour or longer episodes, Soap would do, to farcical extreme, all in one, or perhaps two, half-hour episodes.
  46. Are you afraid of heights?  No, not at all, but I can get bit of vertigo from rapid ascension in height in the range of about 10′ (3m) to 30′ (10m) relative height, or so.  But that’s it, not otherwise fazed in the least.
  47. Do you sing in the car?  Depends – what music source(s) available, my mood, who I’m with and their mood, etc.
  48. Do you sing in the shower?  Nope.
  49. Do you dance in the car?  No.  May tap/move foot, fingers, hand, arm, leg, … but dance?  No.
  50. Ever used a gun?  Yes: squirt gun, BB gun, soldering gun.  Firearm?  Never.
  51. Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer?  “Got a portrait taken” is a bit ambiguous – had it taken, or one was taken of me?  Regardless, probably high school photos, or after that, possibly some relatively rare event (wedding of a family member, or some reunion, or something of that nature).
  52. Do you think musicals are cheesy?  Generally, no, some, yes.
  53. Is Christmas stressful?  Yes.  Way too damn much commercialism, etc.
  54. Ever eat a pierogi?  No, but pyrogy, definitely.
  55. Favorite type of fruit pie?  Lots.  :-)  Really loved the lemon meringue pies my grandmother made, and the rhubarb pies she made too (uh, rhubarb … not exactly a … fruit? … eat your veggies!  ;-)).  I quite like strawberry pie, fresh strawberry tarts, blueberry, raspberry – most any kind of berry pie.  Apricot, peach, pear, apple, etc.  Chocolate isn’t a fruit is it?  Drats.
  56. Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid?  Commercial airline pilot.  Not sure about before that.  Later – into teens, Electrical Engineer.
  57. Do you believe in ghosts?  No.  Bring me cold hard reproducible testable examinable proof, and I’ll reconsider, but not until nor short of that.
  58. Ever have a Deja-vu feeling?  “Feeling”, yes, “believe in”, no, no “premonition” or “6th sense”.  However human mind is very capable – it can often very well – even much of it subconsciously, estimate and “predict” based on available data, experiences, history, memory and recollections, and many observations that may be taken in and perhaps only “noticed”/processed on a sub-conscious level.  So, I think what often feels like “Deja-vu”, it’s mind relatively accurately estimating, planning, guessing, imagining, and forecasting – sometimes “so well”, that one quite feels like one’s been there before – but one never has at all, and has never even seen the place before nor heard/read detailed description prior.  And another odd thing, human memory is far from perfect.  Not uncommon, after one visits a place or sees it or something for the first time, to subsequently feel that it wasn’t the first time.  My guess there is brain does some memory mapping, and correlates it to similar past memories/experiences – so it may feel more familiar and as if it wasn’t the first, with passage of a bit more time, even if one only saw the place exactly once.
  59. Take a vitamin daily?  No, don’t take vitamins.  Generally better to eat healthy and not take vitamins.
  60. Wear slippers?  Not typically.
  61. Wear a bath robe?  Sometimes, but not commonly.
  62. What do you wear to bed?  None of your damn business.
  63. First concert?  First I recall wasn’t much of an event at all, it was free as part of volunteering at some event, and it was telecast on some big screen in some concert hall – if one can much call that a “concert”.  I was mostly on the starving student budget earlier, so really didn’t go to any concerts.
  64. Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart?  Not a huge fan of any of ’em, but if I had to pick I’d pick Kmart, as possibly being “okay” … but … some years back, Kmart and Sears merged, and I hate Sears.  So, … if Sears dragged Kmart down to their level, well, then maybe it would be … Wal-Mart?  I dunno, I quite dislike Target also – had really poor experience there.  There’s a whole helluva lot to “hate” about Wal-Mart too, but I guess I don’t hate them … yet … haven’t yet been personally screwed over by Wal-Mart … yet … at least that I’m aware of.
  65. Nike or Adidas?  Don’t care.
  66. Cheetos Or Fritos?  Fritos.  Hey, as a kid used to love the old (and quite politically incorrect) Frito Bandito character/commercials – whether or not I had any interest in the product itself.  But as an adult, I quite like Fritos – most notably I like the quite plain simple ingredients: corn, corn oil, and salt.  That’s it, nothing more.  Taste good, simple ingredients, but … too much salt … but, ah, they’ve got FRITOS® Lightly Salted Corn Chips (whole corn, corn oil, and salt) … I should give those a try!  :-) … bit less than half the salt … well, could be a lot less, but it’s a step in the right direction (how ’bout slight dusting of powdered salt – a whole lot of salt “kick”/flavor, without nearly so much salt!).
  67. Peanuts or Sunflower seeds?  Peanuts, fresh, hot roasted, unstalted, in shell – yum!
  68. Ever hear of the group Tres Bien?  Don’t think I have or don’t recall.
  69. Ever take dance lessons?  Uh, compulsory counts, right?  (e.g. compulsory school education, physical education classes required, one of ’em included a segment of dance – and yes, ‘lessons’).
  70. Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing?  Uhm, doesn’t that first require a future spouse?  Anyway, generally speaking, no.
  71. Can you curl your tongue?  Yes, and I can tongue whistle too (whistle through rolled up tongue like that).  And if I recall correctly from what I was taught in my 9th grade junior high biology class in 1976–1977, that tongue rolling capability is genetic, and (about?) 70% of the population can roll their tongue like that (cylindrically up around front-back axis), whereas only about one in one thousand can roll their tongue the other way (cylindrically down about front-back axis).
  72. Ever won a spelling bee?  No.  My spelling isn’t that great.  It (very) slowly improves over time, though.  I figure by the time I’m 387 years old, I should be a rather to quite excellent speller, … well, except the language evolves and changes – including words and spellings, so, more likely, my spelling proficiency will level off at “pretty good” to “fairly good” by the time I’m about 273 years old … if I make it there with continued good use of my brain cells, or good suitable replacements.
  73. Have you ever cried because you were so happy?  Yes, rather rarely, but more commonly from being intensely amused at something … funny enough and I’ll laugh so hard I cry, … and it hurts – but I won’t be crying from the hurt.
  74. Own any record albums?  Own, technically yes, posses, no, they were stolen from me – super sucks – my entire audio collection was stolen from me at that time – wasn’t a huge whole helluva lot, but it was all I had in that regard – even audio recordings of family members from decades ago, some of that family long since dead – all stolen – along with a whole lot of other personal possessions at that time.  The majority of it worthless to just about anyone but me, but that didn’t stop ’em or slow ’em down.
  75. Own a record player?  Same answer as above – except I might possibly still posses one.
  76. Regularly burn incense?  No.  I don’t like burning/burnt incense – but I do often like unburnt incense.  Interestingly, I also like the smell of unbunrnt tobacco – but otherwise hate tobacco and tobacco products.
  77. Ever been in love?  Oh yes, most definitely.
  78. Who would you like to see in concert?  Queen – with Freddie Mercury well and as they were; The Beatles – all well alive and together, … okay, probably some others too … probably Linkin Park, among others.
  79. What was the last concert you saw?  Probably some San Francisco Symphony concert sometime within the last, … oh, … 3 to 7 years or so?
  80. Hot tea or cold tea?  Either.  Quite depends on circumstances/conditions, etc.  I also sometimes make my own iced tea super concentrate (looks about as dark or darker that coffee) and keep that in the refrigerator and use it to make myself up some “iced” tea conveniently on demand (and economically, and without taking a whole lot of refrigerator space).
  81. Tea or coffee?  Tea.  I never cared for coffee – don’t like the taste.
  82. Sugar or snickerdoodles?  Snikerdoodles.  Sugar is my 2nd favorite drug, but between cookies and sugar, sure, I’d typically go for the cookies.
  83. Can you swim well?  Swim, yes, well?  Debatable.  Enough to fairly effectively at least generally not drown, anyway, … but well?  More like “okay” or okayish.
  84. Can you hold your breath without holding your nose?  Yes, certainly.
  85. Are you patient?  Yes, and generally rather to highly so (perhaps even to a fault?).
  86. DJ or band, at a wedding?  DJ.
  87. Ever won a contest?  Yes, sure, some.  Nothin’ all that exciting, though.  (Yeah, sometimes within the top 1% to 0.2% or less, but … whatever).
  88. Ever have plastic surgery?  No.
  89. Which are better black or green olives?  Either.  And to complicate the question, green can be cured/processed much like black, in which case they also taste very much like typical black olives.
  90. Can you knit or crochet?  Knit, no, crochet?  Technically, if you count that very first one basic stitch that makes an endless chain, yes – I can do that.
  91. Best room for a fireplace?  Living room, … but bedroom can be quite nice too (not so sure about practical – but possibly so).
  92. Do you want to get married?  Yes, … conditionally of course – right person, time, circumstances ‘n all that.
  93. If married, how long have you been married? N/A
  94. Who was your HS crush?  I presume one means “high school”.  Yeah, I think I more-or-less had one, no, not gonna name the individual.
  95. Do you cry and throw a fit until you get your own way?  Hell no.
  96. Do you have kids?  No.
  97. Do you want kids?  I don’t wanna and won’t be creating ’em anyway.  Planet is kind’a (like way) crowded relative to human population and rate of resource consumption vs. sustainable rate of resource consumption.
  98. What’s your favorite color?  Blue
  99. Do you miss anyone right now?  Yes, absolutely.  And not gonna name name(s) here.

status: me & “dating” and “that relationship stuff”

2013-03-05 01:04:25 PST

“How’s your love life?” <cough>  Uh, … what’s that?  Oh yeah, I remember (thinks me: vaguely … too vaguely … whatever).

“How’s your love life?” – I think once upon a time (probably roughly mid to late 1970s), was catchphrase/line in some advertising campaign.  (And a quick Google search seems to confirm my recollection).  I still well remember, must’ve been late 70s or early 80s, once at my grandparents, at least one of my cousins was also there, and my grandmother turns to her and asks her, “How’s your love life?”  :-)  Grandparents can be great, and many are.  I was fortunate to have quite excellent of grandparents, but alas, they’re all gone now, and have been for years – but very cool to remember them.  And that same grandmother, my last then surviving grandparent, after having been married over 60 years, some years after her husband (my grandfather) of all those years had passed, tired of living alone – and cooking for herself, moved into some type of assisted living retirement home – not that she needed much (or any) assistance – but was good to have it available if she needed or wanted it – and more notably, she was tired of living alone – so had quite the community in the fairly large facility she moved into.  Well, wasn’t long before I learned, “grandma has a boyfriend!” – may have in fact even been that same cousin that told me.  And alas, given M/F longevities and stats, and gender ratios typical in such facilities, typically a lot more (single) women than (single) men in such facilities.  So, no small feat that she’d have herself a boyfriend there, but delightfully charming and all, not all that surprising either.  Anyway, as my cousin related it to me those many years ago, I think the words she spoke were quite approximately this, “So, did you hear grandma’s got a boyfriend?!?  Yeah, she said she likes having him over … but isn’t quite so keen on him still being there in bed with her when she wakes up in the morning.”

So, me, “status”, relationship(s), dating? <cough>  Uhm, me?  Yup, ain’t much happening there … also not really trying.  Not for lack of interest, though.  Time, … priorities.  That makes it a rather to quite low priority, right?  Yes, … and no.  The pursuing what I ain’t got and isn’t even anywhere near within reach – e.g. some person I’ve not so much as met and they’ve not so much as even attempted to contact me.  That bit of it … “the hell with it” … well, sort’a, anyway, … very low priority presently.  Takes way too damn much effort and time, and for mostly a whole lot of disappointment.  What, something close to 2 years on OkCupid now, and, certainly lots of time and effort (not all the time, but certainly overall), and … “results”?  Hell, haven’t made it beyond a hug.  A couple seemingly good – maybe even excellent(?) possibilities … but … they seemed to quite evaporate to nothing over a matter of a couple weeks to a few months or so.  One exception of note – one most excellent of friend via OkCupid.  That’s certainly damn good and highly appreciated, and cannot be undervalued.  But … as for “girlfriend” or anything approaching (capital-R) “Relationship” <cough> – nope, not even close.  A try at an old flame?  Not to be detailed here, but essentially, “not happening”.  Uhm, but priority, quite low?  Yes, and no!  Yup.  Where’s it a high priority then?  Where there’s a tangible realistic probability.  Notably if/where I’ve met or rather/quite know someone and it seems/appears there’s non-trivial probability that things may be quite possible.  Well, in that case, it’s quite a high priority, and gets lots of attention (and interest, resources, etc.).  So, yeah, if, e.g. I was “seeing someone”, that’d be quite high priority.  But, … as for someone I’ve not met, and not even heard from … screw that.  Not a priority.  So, yup, generally, haven’t even been particularly trying – just way too much resource burn for mostly far too much disappointment – and pretty much nothing else.  Last non-spam message I got on OkCupid, I replied … and … like about 90% – no response.  And that’s been it for me & OkCupid for the past many months or so now.  “Oh well.”  Fuck it.  No rush in the meantime.(?)  Shit.  Such is life.  Sometimes, anyway.

Cold (virus), and other random bits

2013-03-04 23:38:09 PST

Cold.  So, I had (or have?) one.  Last remnant bits as I write this – generally takes nose/sinuses a few days to get 100% back to what’s “normal” for me, all other symptoms quite gone now (yea!).  On my (proto)typical cold, nose/sinuses is very last bit to 100% recover.  Yup, colds, and flu, etc., are rather to quite annoying.  Ah, but could be worse, eh?  I should complain(?).

Fortunately, at least my entire adult life, I get colds quite rarely.  About once every 3 years or so is rather typical for me, though occasionally that span between colds might only be about a year or less – but that’s much more the exception, than the rule, for me.  But I do more commonly get, what I term, micro-colds.  Colds – if they’re colds at all – that are so mild in symptoms, and only partial set of symptoms at that, and so brief (typically 24 hours or less), that I’m not really sure if they’re “colds” or not.  And flu?  More like less than once every 15 years – if even that.

My (proto-)typical cold.  Would start with sore/scratchy throat – or perhaps even throat feeling a slight bit “off”, for a very short bit (several hours or less).  Then quickly progresses to a rather to quite sore throat.  That goes on for about a couple days.  Soon after sore throat symptoms are in full swing, there’s the nose/sinuses.  Mix of drippy and/or clogged, or even both at the same time.  Anyway, that goes on for several days, and is last symptom to clear.  And even after it seems the cold is “all gone”, sinuses and nose always seem to lag behind a couple days or more getting 100% back to what’s my “normal” for me on them – almost as if they need to readjust and relearn to how they were before the whole cold “adventure” came into the mix.  Other symptoms?  Sure, but those are variable, and sometimes mostly or entirely absent.  From the more common/probable with me to less so:  stomach – sort of an odd “hollow”/empty/grumblely kind of feeling to it – not “upset” per se, but just sort of an odd feeling empty and bit of grumble – but not like it would typically feel like if it was, e.g. empty hungry grumbling, but a somewhat distinctly different feel to it.  Some mix of general or bit more tiredness – most notably physically – just less energy/energetic, etc., tire more easily.  Can also impact the head somewhat – sometimes just a bit more foggy/tired, not so much most of the time, but sometimes at least some moderate bit, give or take a bit.  Sometimes too, hard to separate out how much of the mental bit is attitude – just not feeling like doing or concentrating on all that much, due to annoyance of other symptoms – particularly after they’ve been dragging on a while.  Fever?  I’m going to skip clinical/medical definition and differentiation between cold and flu here, and use them as I commonly use them – and experience them as related set of symptoms, or not.  So, yes, sometimes slight to modest fever with cold.  Most of the time not – or slight enough I never particularly notice it.  So, yes, sometimes with fever – at least part of the time, often completely without, or so slight I never notice or suspect fever as part of the mix (e.g. don’t feel chilled/cold or warm/hot, so don’t suspect fever in the mix – and typically wouldn’t check if I didn’t suspect a fever of being present).  And also rather rarely, might have a shortish span of … not quite headache, but sort of headachey, and yet more rarely (may have with that) some visual light sensitivity.  Anyway, that’s my (proto-)typical cold.  Since at least I was a young kid (if not even back through infancy), through current – and likely the remainder of my life too.  That pattern really hasn’t changed … except for the frequency, … and the bit about micro-colds.

Micro-colds.  Yup, at least what I term such.  Typically very slight hint of throat feeling a bit odd/”off”, or trace of scratchy/irritated.  And formuch shorter than 24 hours … 12 to 6 or fewer hours being pretty typical (maybe as few as 3 or so?).  So weak in symptoms, I’m not sure if it’s (start of) cold, or maybe I just swallowed something roughly like hard rough cracker or piece of toast and irritated my throat a bit.  And next thing I know, it’s gone – completely.  That’s it.  Sometime too, sinuses might feel a bit off/odd/irritated for a similar length of time, typically trailing just behind the throat “symptoms” – if I can really call it that – as they’re so weak.  Then, all gone, all better, and often left wondering if there was anything there at all – or at least any trace of any actual cold virus or the like.  Micro-colds.  So, yeah, I typically have one of those (or such an experience), maybe on average about once every 12 to 18 months or so – and seemingly (much?) more likely so if I haven’t actually had one of my much more (proto-)typical colds in a while – like in over a year or more.  Anyway, I guestimate, at least in cases where those are actually from some virus, that’s essentially my immune system beating the buggers out before they manage to get more fully established and develop into a full-blown cold.

Immune system – mine seems to, as far as I’m aware, work pretty darn well (but not too well, either – as that could also be problematic).  I don’t take any “unsual” precautions.  Sure I was my hands – basic hygiene and all that.  But I don’t wash/wipe/sanitize my hands after touching everything and all the time.  Sure, certainly, after the restroom, before eating, before preparing food, before touching food when facilities are reasonably conveniently available.  But I don’t, e.g., use sanitizing wipes/liquids/gels on my hands, or use those after touching anything that might have been touched by the public, or on surfaces the public may have touched before touching them.  Yes, I use public transportation.  Yup, touch things on public transportation.  No, I don’t worry about it.  No, I don’t lick my hands, palms, and fingertips after touching surfaces on public transportation, nor do I sanitize my hands after such a touch before touching my face or rubbing my eyes … though when rubbing my eye I’ll often think to use back of my hand or knuckle(s) instead of fingertips – but I’m sure I’m not 100% consistent on that either.  Anyway, when I was a kid, I had lots of colds – as younger kid, several per year was pretty typical for me.  Likewise, flu, probably about once a year or so, give or take – maybe a bit less, but something fairly close to that – especially as a younger kid.  But I guess in many/most of those regards I’m relatively typical/”average” – exception being the relative rarity of cold/flu as an adult.  Yeah, when, rather commonly, all my coworkers around me at work would get sick, but I wouldn’t, I’d often, somewhat teasingly tell them, “Don’t worry, I’m an immune carrier.”   ;-)

Another odd bit on immune system and fevers.  Used to scare the heck out of my mom as a child, but I’d have tendency to run rather to quite high fevers.  Generally for rather to quite short period of time, but pretty high (I think somewhere in the 102 to 104 F range).  My body still does that occasionally, but perhaps rather differently.  Most notably it sometimes does that at the onset of a cold.  And, interestingly and usefully, when it does so, and if I happen to particularly catch notice of it and such, if I fairly promptly head to bed, bury myself in the cover(s)/blanket(s), and “sleep it off”, what happens about half or more of the time, is I (mostly) sleep, run a fairly high fever for a few hours, rest/sleep another hour or two or so, and wake/get up and – wahla! (wala … I don’t know how to spell it and The Internet isn’t helping).  Cold completely gone – “burnt” off / cooked out(!).  Might be a bit more tired after that for modest bit (running that high a fever tends to be kind of exhausting/draining) – but otherwise perfectly fine. So, I guess I’m rather of the opinion that fighting fever isn’t always a good idea – particularly if it’s not too high/long of a fever.  Millions or so of years of evolution, the species has some pretty good immune defenses/reactions, eh?  And perhaps unfortunately, the viruses also evolve.

And flu?  As an adult, I get a flu – or other possibly non-cold virus – flu, or whatnot, about once every 15 years, give or take.  Really, my entire adult life, have only had what might’ve been flu twice – in span of … well, over 30 years now.  Once, not sure what it was, perhaps a “24 hour flu” – got real sick quickly, puked and all that, felt most or all the flu symptoms I typically would, … but it was all over and felt perfectly fine, less than 24 hours after it started.  I’m guessing that was flu – but an odd (and short) one.  Some have suggested food poisoning or the like – but that seems relatively unlikely, as from what I understand, that’s typically more severe and longer lasting, and lacks most of the other flu-like symptoms, and also, others ate more-or-less same food where I did, and didn’t get sick.  One other time, symptoms definitely not cold-like.  But some bits particularly odd about it.  Had a quite persistent cough, but the cough wasn’t triggered by something going on with or in the lungs, or throat/sinuses – at least not directly.  It was a very odd (and I’d say evolved) virus – it caused diaphragm twitches – sort of similar to hiccups, but not, and that was/triggered the coughing.  As those twitches would make a cough-like reaction, and that would tend to tickle and irritate the throat, which would tend to make the throat sensitive and more probable to trigger a cough, essentially causing a vicious cycle.  And breaking the cycle?  That was mostly persistent use of Luden’s (Wild Cherry) – keep ’em with me, and at the slightest hint of cough or tickle in the throat or those diaphragm twitches, take ’em, and keep taking ’em, until there was no trace of tickle in throat and the twitches were no longer present.  Not really sure if that one was flu.  At least one person suggested it was or likely was Whooping cough (Pertussis).  I kind’a doubt that, but perhaps so.  Had vaccine and all, but maybe I wasn’t 100% current on any applicable booster(s), and/or maybe it was a very weakened one going against vaccine and/or remnants thereof?  In any case, that one hung on a fair while (weeks) – but for the most part wasn’t very annoying or severe at all.  Mostly just persistently annoying for a rather long while with the diaphragm twitches –> (throat tickle / cough) cycle that was hard (and long) to break.  At its worst, that made eating rather annoying – rather like trying to eat while having a significant case of the hiccups.  So, anyway, at most, have had flu twice in all my adult life (that’s 32+ years now).  I’ve gotten flu shot last 2 years now.  The recommendations have changed over the years, so now it’s (also) recommended I get the flu shot (along with almost everybody).  At the low rate I get flu, statistically (small numbers), I may never know if the flu shot ever actually works for me and prevents me from getting any flu(!).  But regardless, probably still quite worth doing – notably may help prevent me from transmitting flu (immune carrier?), and given flu risks, well, maybe some day it might save my life – I might never know it did so, but there’s a (quite) small, but non-trivial probability that it might … so, a good safety/preventive precaution.

And what I term “flu” – my (proto-)typical flu – okay, so thus far pretty much non-existent as an adult, but nevertheless:  Most notably rather to quite nauseous, general stomach upset/unrest.  Cold/chills, typically at least some fever somewhere along the way.  Maybe about half the time, some general acheyness (joints, muscles, general body slight discomfort).  Never a sore throat (unless caused by cough), most of the time no or little cough, if at all, but sometimes up to moderate bit of cough mixed in, at least in parts.  Not 100% sure on that though – it’s been such a very long time ago.  Likewise, maybe nose/sinuses runny/drippy and/or clogged?  Really don’t remember for sure.  Sometimes headachey/headache, may have visual light sensitivity along with that.  Generally tend to feel (more) tired / run down – often correlates particularly to fever, fever level, and/or recovery from/after fever.

Well, yes, rare that I get a cold. But I got one. :-/ It snuck in with slightest traces, as far as I could tell, Wednesday morning. What I’d term a “micro-cold” for me – so weak I wasn’t sure if there was something there or not. Started with throat feeling, not sore, but just sort of “off” and not exactly right – like perhaps I’d slept on it weird? … but not.  But even that felt much better after I’d eaten something a bit later.  But still not 100%.  About the same for Thursday – not throat, but nose/sinuses – bit off and sensitive, slightly irritated – but again, pretty slight.. But by Friday, it definitely wasn’t micro. Buggers. Not too horrible, but then hoping I was past the worst of it, or soon would be. It was mostly just annoying my nose/sinuses, and a few bits/traces of other symptoms here ‘n there. Was about zero of sore throat, which is somewhat odd for me, as that’s typically first symptom for me, and significant for the first couple days or so. Throat felt a bit odd/”off” Wednesday morning, but that passed by about mid-day. But alas, other symptoms (notably nose/sinuses) followed. Oye, and sometimes with cold or flu, get (quasi-)headachey and may also have light sensitivity – got that Friday night and into Saturday morning – ugh – forgot how annoying that can be!  Hmmm, was curious if I had any trace of fever (sometime I’ll have slight/moderate fever and not notice it) – took my temperature – temperature came out low – I think it was 97.8 or something like that – and I gave it a good 6 minutes to read it too (ye olde mercury oral thermometer), as I “didn’t believe” when I first read it, and decided to give it another good three minutes. Weird. Well, maybe my body wasn’t quite “awake” yet when I took that temperature – or maybe the thermometer is off? – though that seems rather unlikely.  Anyway, that was then.  It seemed to peak in the Friday / Saturday A.M. range, and by Saturday afternoon, felt much better, and symptoms seemed to be fading.  I also found myself having a craving for fish on Saturday – almost bought a can of sardines that caught my eye as I passed by it.  By Sunday, feeling much better still, energy (mostly) back and … hungry? … more like ravenous.  I’d eaten “well enough” through the cold, but Sunday I felt like I was starving – and oddly/strangely(?) craving fish.  So, I did some grocery shopping – already had stuff at home, but got some more things, and, most notably, also got some fish – and some lemons.  And made myself a nice large fish (& veggie) meal (the leftovers of which I’m still eating).  And yes, I eat meat – not a whole helluva lot, but certainly do.  On average consume even much less of it when I’m buying it to prepare for myself, but do certainly buy it once in a while.  And I don’t like to waste food – especially meat.  So, yes, it’s all getting consumed – or at least the human edible parts.  And the other bits may get fed to carnivore that dines on a variety of mostly raw prey … and if not that, then, well, there’s the compost pile or compost bin.  Ah, and first time I’d ever gotten a whole stripped bass.  Alas, my striped bass fish fillet preparation work … uh, … needs work.  Not exactly disaster – first side came out pretty well, but second side, … ugh.  Sort’a reminds me of the first time I cut up a whole chicken.  Definitely serious room for improvement.

Anyway, … cold/flu doesn’t “stop” me, but, I tend to try and avoid overdoing it – so was kind’a taking it easy. Decided to skip my tentative plans to trek to San Francisco Sunday.

Other random bits.  Cold flu … all the miracles of modern medicine and … well, none of that shortens it.  Well, except flu shot may be good for some prevention.  Drugs, symptomatic relief?  I mostly just don’t like that stuff – mostly due to what it is, side effects and how it makes me feel, and/or it often just doesn’t work, or doesn’t work well, on me.  So I mostly never “take anything” – at least in terms of medication(s), for cold flu.  However, the two bits I do and quite recommend.  For sore throat or cough (most notably tickle in throat aggravating cough and cough aggravating throat, etc.), Luden’s, notably my particular favorite: Luden’s Wild Cherry throat drops – or if/as one may prefer, any of their other flavors with the same pectin content.  Active ingredient?  Yes, pectin.  Drug or narcotic?  No.  So, the really great cool thing about that, is take as needed/desired.  None of that limit of 1 per hour or 6 or 8 or 12 per 24 hours or anything like that.  No risk of overdose or side effects – as there’s no “drug” there.  So, really great to be able to take as needed, particularly when throat is unhappy/irritated.  Unlike other lozenges, that, e.g., one can take at most one per hour and … well, much less than an hour later the symptomatic relief may be insufficient, and, e.g., throat may be quite sore again, or irritated/ticklish and triggering vicious coughing cycle.  Anyway, Luden’s are great in that regard – not stuck with some limited dosage/timetable.  And other bit, wasabi!  Yup, want/need to get nose/sinuses clear?  Wasabi!  Works great, can “apply” (eat) as needed.  When I was in my teens (or a bit younger), I first discovered similar.  Used to sniff the jar of horseradish that was in the refrigerator.  Well, consuming some wasabi is much more effective.  Also tastey – goes nice on various dishes with some rice, among other possibilities.  Also good with green tea (as complimentary beverage – I wouldn’t think to mix them).  And likewise, none of the drug downsides or side effects (or limitations) of taking medications.  And as a bonus, wasabi works damn fast!  :-)  Almost instant!  Yup, probably about half of the reason I keep wasabi in stock – if I ever need/want my nose/sinuses clear … wasabi!  :-)  Other random (non-drug) hints/tips/suggestions:  Take it easy, don’t overdo it.  But don’t do nothing the whole time.  Get some fresh air, sunshine, and at least modest bits of exercise.  Do something(s) to keep/stay active – as and to the extent one feels reasonably up to it – but again, don’t overdo, and give oneself permission to rest/relax – especially as/when it may be needed/beneficial.  Drink plenty of fluids.  Juices are good.  I wouldn’t overdo the water, but get sufficient fluids in one way or another.  Throat too sore to (comfortably) swallow?  See what I mention above about Luden’s – that should take care of that.  Eat … reasonably.  Sometimes that might be a lot, be sure it’s always “enough”, and reasonably healthy or better.  Ginger can help with upset stomach – e.g. ginger ale.  Generally good: honey, lemon/citrus, tea, green tea.  Dairy (e.g. especially milk) can somewhat aggravate sore throat … perhaps excepting ice cream? … well, not really, but that probably goes down easier among dairy products while having a sore throat (can’t say I’ve tried that much – or perhaps even at all – but the theory sounds good – and tasty … just remember healthy and balance too).  Feed a cold, starve a fever, or is it the other way around?  Don’t know, don’t care – use what’s reasonably healthy and works for your body – that’s usually not starve, nor (over)stuff.  And remember the liquids.  Body tends to burn more calories and use/expel more liquids to fight cold/flu, so can become dehydrated without sufficient liquids, so stay reasonably well hydrated, as becoming dehydrated makes it harder/slower/longer to get to recovered.

Anyway, as I’m writing this now, damn near all better!  :-) … pretty much been that way since around Saturday P.M. – so that’s all good.  Though the cold unfortunately wasn’t (just) a micro-cold, at least the “worst of it” – more full-blown cold, was mostly limited to Friday and first half of Saturday.  Other than that, really not too bad at all – so, 36 hours or so of “real” cold … ain’t all that bad – particularly when it’s been a couple years or so since last of similar.