Hiatus

Yeah, I’ve been taking a break from blogging.

When I started taking that break – hiatus – I figured it would be at least moderately long time, … perhaps “indefinitely”.

Why?

Time? Priorities? Sort’a, but that’s not most especially it.

Most notably, and not necessarily in any particular order:

Hardly anyone reads my blogs. Heck, only one person on the planet that I actually know. And it’s not like doing the blogging has increased that number. No, it was one before, and has stayed at one. I don’t know, maybe even shrank. For all the writing, and fair bit of it motivated as a “better” or “preferred” (or seemingly so) means of communication with that one person … well, that hasn’t worked out very well – for me, nor for for them. So, yeah, all the writing/blogging, hasn’t worked very well for me, for them, or me making any kind of real “connection” to anyone else on the planet.

Writing as communication/expression – to get it “out there”? That’s mostly been a means of last resort. No dialog, no communication (or dang near none), so … blog – “out into the world”? … more like out into the void. Mostly ignored, unread, unliked. I can do “out into the void” a whole lot more easily and efficiently, by not writing or communicating at all – just communicate nothing, or stay silent, or stuff it down, or whatever – helluva lot easier – and about as effective … if not even more so. It’s not like I’m at all unused to that anyway. Been doin’ that lots of my life anyway – and may pretty much always be stuck with such. Whatever. I’m used to it – know how to do it. Not a big deal to do lots more of that. Not that it gets me anywhere, but it’s not like blogging, for all the time and effort, etc., has served me much better … if even better … and, heck, for all the time and energy and angst, quite possibly even served me worse.

Doesn’t do anyone any good. Really, quite, it doesn’t – or such would certainly seem to be the case. Damn near no one likes my writing/blogging, I quite struggle with it and find it hard and very time consuming. And quite possibly creates more problems than it’s worth. E.g. of even closest to me – come to know my blog much more than me – really kind of pointless and counter-productive after a while. Ought be conversations, not blogs. And, well, if that isn’t happening, then mostly a lot of nothing. Which, actually, mostly gets to be better than a lot of almost-entirely one-way blog “communication” – and almost nothing else – that seems to become a lot more of a rip and separation of understanding, than a growth in understanding. Seems little to no communication is better than mostly blog and nothing, or hardly anything else. Seems to lead to less mis{understanding,communication,presumption} than with bunch ‘o blog and little else. Okay, sure, maybe leaves a lot more unknown and questions / “mystery”, than a bunch of blogging, but if unknown results in more accurate understanding of what’s known, and what is and isn’t known, and how it’s characterized, etc., well … unknown can be (and is?) a lot better than increasingly misperceived, misinterpreted, and incorrectly known – and that seems to increasingly and greatly occur with a mostly one-way flow – or at least highly lopsided “flow” (“flow” – even calling it a flow seems quite a stretch) of communication. Basically there’s pretty close to no feedback loop – so things tend to run off in directions that just aren’t good, useful – or accurate representation. And it’s not like my blogging is doing anyone else any good. Heck, not even me – especially for all the time/effort/angst/inefficiencies, etc. at working at it and attempting to (and, egad, the writing, and rewriting and editing, and sometimes just friggin’ giving up on that – but in most all cases it comes out pretty piss poor anyway).

Time, energy, priorities? Yeah, very busy … and/or quite not. The blogging just isn’t working well for me or anyone else, at least as far as I can tell. So, have taken quite a break from it – and will probably mostly continue to do so. It still amazes me how anyone ever got the impression that I like to blog. Can’t say I ever have. Really never been anything more than a last ditch effort at attempted communication/expression – when all else has failed. And, well, the blogging’s quite failed too. So, … mostly I go back to a lot of nothing on the communication. And, yeah, a lot of no communication is better than bad communication, so yes, it’s an improvement … really, it is – all ’round.

And I’m sorry, but I make no apologies for (okay, can we talk oxymoronic paragraph lead-in?) saying/writing, that for me, yes, the writing is dang hard, takes a lot of time/energy/effort – sometimes many hours or more – sometimes even days or more, for what ought be relatively simple bit of writing for even just one single blog post. It’s a lot of time, it’s a lot of effort. If folks don’t want to read/hear me mentioning that – that’s fine, don’t read it – nobody (or hardly anybody) reads it anyway. No one’s forcing anyone to read this (well, except maybe me forcing myself to read it – particularly when I write it – but maybe that’s also quite a bad thing). Okay, so maybe I’ll apologize that my writing is generally cr*p, and my editing skills generally lacking and under-applied, etc. But I’m not going to apologize for having written it (at least in general – unless I quite screw up and write something I really ought not have communicated or attempted to communicate). And I’m not going to apologize for writing/communicating that it’s hard and time consuming. It is. In general, I don’t want to be apologizing for writing what’s true or fact. Okay, sure, I’ll “apologize” for the reader’s difficulty in pouring through my material. I’m sorry that it’s not a breeze to read – and that it probably never will be. But I’m not going to apologize for writing it.

So, yes, lots of reasons to take a long – possibly even indefinite – break from the blogging. In short, the blogging, not good for me, not good for anyone else, don’t like doing it – hard – difficult – time consuming – and dang near zilch positive out of it. So, was time to stop. Certainly at least take quite a break from it.

Will I blog/write more, or again? Yeah, probably some bits on occasion. At least when I might particularly feel like it and be so inclined. In the past many months, can’t say there have been many such occasions. Really only a few or so times I even felt moderately tempted to blog something. So, maybe I’ll manage to more-or-less blog those occasional few somethings. Or maybe not at all, or hardly at all. And all the other stuff I might otherwise be inclined to blog? It really just doesn’t matter now, does it? Well, not much anyway. And generally certainly not enough that it ought be blogged about. So, … many months past – only a few things in mind to possibly blog. Maybe I’ll blog them. Maybe I won’t. Maybe I’ll only blog one of ’em or so. Whatever. Matters not. It’s not like anyone cares, or I matter. Okay, so maybe that’s not exactly true, but not far from it.

And so it goes. Maybe some “radio silence” is good anyway. Too much noise as it is, eh?

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