Dream – and (partial) interpretation

So, right around a week ago, had a dream. And at least part of that dream was unsettling. Nightmare? No, not really – but I’ll explain that in a bit.

So, most of the particulars of that dream, that I remember and remembered upon waking – and still quite remember. I was in “my residence” – not sure where/how it was, but I felt/knew it was my home, residence, or at least where I was staying at the time. Likely lived there, or perhaps even it might have been some bit of a vacation get-away spot – kind of like a cabin or something like that. It didn’t correlate to any place I’d actually ever lived, or for that matter any place I could think of that I’ve ever stayed at, visited, or even seen. But it did seem to draw elements of that from a variety of sources, and somehow there it was, cohesively assembled in my dream, and there I was in the place – feeling of “home”, or something close.

Locale seemed less urban – maybe even in the woods in the mountains or something like that, but I don’t think I saw much of outside in that short bit of the dream to accurately place it. I seem to recall seeing some trees – like pine trees, or maybe redwoods, or something like that, out through a glass window in the door, at fairly close range (maybe 3 to 10 meters) in background. I remember nothing else of where it was set, and perhaps that was my only indicator of the location of this “home” or whatever it was in my dream. So, who knows, in the woods in the mountain, or maybe in or around a city, but just having some fairly large trees relatively close outside of that door – so could have even been some spot in Berkeley, or maybe nowhere at all near Berkeley.

Construction of the abode. Seemed somewhat cabin-like. Relatively nice wood construction, framing, lots of wood – if not mostly or entirely, at least on the inside. Not round logs or such (though there might’ve been some of that), but mostly looked like – perhaps pine, or something a bit more sturdy and very slightly darker – yet still pretty light in tone. Just realized now, where my head might have pulled in some rough idea for that type of construction/appearance. Have a peek at just the images here (no need to watch the videos, I didn’t). Perhaps something roughly like that for construction, though seemed significantly larger, more sturdy, and “permanent” in its location – not like something built from some “kit” or the like.

“Home”, or place I was residing or staying. There may have been some other person in/around there – not sure, seems I may have made some passing remark to someone a bit later in the dream, or perhaps I just thought back of someone I knew, who had been or visited there earlier – very vague recollection of that, so not quite sure at all.

Main action ;-) … or key bit that happened in the dream. I was there, inside, comfortable, felt of “home” or the like. And what transpired? Highly mentally unwell ex-friend makes an appearance. She’s outside, has a gun, is intent on killing me, and in quite short order is trying to force or break her way in. I remember window in the door – I think it opened – securely closing it or something like that, as she was trying to get in. Well, in fairly short order, somehow she’d managed to force or break her way in. Not sure exactly how – I don’t recall any glass breaking, or any kind of my struggling or pushing against the door – other than my securely closing (and presumably locking) that window in the door – and feeling fairly secure at that, though a bit rattled. Particularly rattled as I wasn’t expecting her at all – I felt quite comfortable there, perhaps she didn’t even know where I was living/staying, and then she shows up with gun, intent upon killing me, and was still trying to make her way in. In any case, in short order, she’s in, has a gun, and is quite intent upon killing me. Perhaps somewhat interestingly, her appearance is much better than I’d seen of her in years – she appeared rather/quite good and well put together, and maybe (almost/slightly) happy even, … though however she was still as bat sh*t crazy as ever, if not even very much more so. But she didn’t seem at all angry or upset. Just very intent on killing me, and as if she didn’t even know, remember, or understand why she felt or knew that’s what she had to do, but she was very determined and intent upon doing so.

Well, my head doesn’t do nightmares. :-) My head went lucid on that sh*t. Really has since I was around 10 years old or so – I think my very first lucid dream was the ending of my last ever nightmare – head just goes lucid on that sh*t and in one way or another dissipates any significant threat or the like. So that’s what happened in that dream. I quite remember remarking to her something quite like, “It’s a dream, you can’t hurt me.” … might have even been ambiguous in how it was said/indicated – not calling out who’s dream, but regardless I stated it, and she quite immediately realized she couldn’t harm me in any way. At that point she just seemed to get rather frustrated, apparently having felt quite thwarted in her efforts, and then just rather quickly departed. That was pretty much it for the dream. I may have remarked something to someone else around there quite immediately after that – not sure, very vague recollection if anyone else was actually there or not or if that actually happened, or perhaps I was just thinking of what I might say if they were, or “thinking aloud” on such – whether or not they were actually there. And don’t remember what I may have remarked – perhaps something of the absurdity of the situation or about ex-friend, or dear knows what. There was some fair bit before that whole sequence in the dream, but that faded very quickly upon waking, and I awoke quite shortly after that lucid bit. First time in quite a while – probably many months or more, that ex-friend had made any kind of appearance – let alone intrusion – into any dream of mine – or probably had even been referenced or thought of in any dream in quite some long time.

And, … interpretation? What the heck was that ex-friend “suddenly”, and rather out-of-the blue, doing back in any dream of mine? Took a bit over four days before it suddenly dawned on me. Correlated to a bit of other “background” (/”noise”) bit(s) that had been going on. That ex-friend, in the dream? It wasn’t at all about her. Not in the least. Subconscious just grabbed her as most suitable to represent something – had nothing to do with her at all – she was essentially a prop to convey something. And the “home”, or home-like setting and such, the breaking in or the like, etc.? All about perceptions/impressions. What it was, was an unwarranted threatening intrusion, an invasion into my “space” of sorts, as it were (and how I felt about the space, the intrusion and threat, etc.). That’s all. Really no more nor less than that. And why that dream? Threatening unwarranted intrusions happening to me or the like? No, not really, not really at all. But perception is 90% of reality(?). Anyway, had something going on that felt like that. Felt like a “threatening” unwarranted intrusion, though it wasn’t at all – neither of those things. Regardless, best I can tell, subconscious apparently wanted to call to my attention to how I felt about that – regardless of the reality. So, hastily grabbed a most viable threat it could think of and pull from semi-recent experience/memory, made it out as very clearly a threat, and made it quite invasive/invading and breaking/forcing into my “space” – at least of sorts. Essentially subconscious saying, “Look, this (the dream) is how you feel about that.” With the “this” in the dream, mostly being how I felt about it – threatened, unwarranted intrusion/violation into my “space” – on my personhood, against my life. And the “that”, being not at all particularly reality, but just my perceptions of one modest relatively topical chunk of it – how I felt about it – not at all what it actually was (or could or would have been). Probably the reason it took me “so long” to figure out the “proper” interpretation of that dream, was for the most part, especially early on, I was like “WTF was she doing in any dream of mine again?” – while totally missing that it wasn’t at all about her, but rather just something she was brought into the dream to very clearly represent. Wasn’t until the “that” – in reality, not threatening/intrusive, but how I felt about it – as soon as I realized how I felt about it – it clicked – damn quite like what I felt in that bit of dream.

We now return to our regularly scheduled program, already in progress.


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