blog … or not?; “dating”, OkCupid, …

So, I find myself thinking/feeling …

To blog, or not to blog. And, … more like, not whether or not to write something more on/for blog, but … whether or not to even have a blog – or blogs, … or, … just ignore ’em and let ’em languish – the blogs themselves, that is. I mean, after all, lets see (stats … lies, damn lies, and statistics … well, ‘cept it’s all true).
Total published blog posts: 223
This blog alone: 113
Subscribers/followers – total: 40
Subscribers/followers I actually know: 1
oldest/first blog post: 2011-12-09
average posts per day: .33 per week: 2.3
average days between posts: 3.1
(non-spam) comments: 100 total (60 private) – and that also includes my own comments, subtracting out my own comments, total is 77
total likes: 96
last 37 days:
posts: all blogs: 23 this blog: 12
total number of (non-spam) comments: 1 (private), likes: 1
In general, seems what relatively meager interest I managed to generate in my blog stuff, seems to have mostly quite declined. The view stats also reflect that. Certainly can’t say it’s easy for me to write/blog – I’m not very good at it, and it’s mostly a communication means of last resort. Mostly very much putting it onto the ether … or … void. Don’t really know that I want to bother or continue it, … at least for the most part. For all the time/effort energy, save for one person, seems mostly relatively lost. So, … why even bother? Especially if I really don’t even like to blog. Ah, and most of the feedback I get on my writing is, that it sucks, … and, … that’s the more polite version of it. And it takes me so damn much time/effort/energy to even manage to make it as high as … sucks. Ugh.

A conversation would be oh so much better, so very much better. But alas. Hardly have had that. Has really only happened twice thus far this year … really, that’s only twice in the last several years or so. Yeah, pro’lly ought do something I enjoy, or much more so enjoy than blog. Crud – if only there was something I enjoyed … something I could look forward to – something actually attainable – not some pipe dream. Really most of what I want – and most want, requires other person(s) … and … really just can’t at all depend upon that. Not that people are that undependable, just that it’s really never worked for me. Damn. That sucks. Welcome to my life. It really does highly suck. Pretty much nothing that I look forward to or want that I can attain. Can’t even hardly do anything for anyone else. Try to be damn helpful – but that only goes so far. Folks only want or can use so much help, and does that even help me? Eh, sometimes – good to be helpful/useful/appreciated/wanted but … for the most part, don’t get a lot of that. Mostly like appreciated, but … uhm, yeah, that’s enough already, thank you very much … can’t you find something else to do? Uhm, yeah, if only.

OkCupid – and for some stupid reason I feel inclined to muck about with my OkCupid profile. Profile rather sucks, and I’d only likely make it worse. But geez, it’s like I quite don’t care. I mean whole friggin’ year, what have I got from it thus far? One whole date that didn’t even last an hour, and really just wasn’t a very good experience at all. I mean, one piss poor date per year, how much worse could it be if I totally f*cked over my OkCupid profile? Probably quite the waste anyway. Maybe I best ought find something else to do, … hell, friggin’ anything else to do. But is there a damn thing I can find that I want to do … that I actually can do, or might actually be able to achieve? Uhm, well, how ’bout something I actually like or want? Crap. Yeah, that is a problem. And so it goes.

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