meltdown? Tired/exhausted? Well, bit drained for a bit?

An excerpt from something I wrote to someone a few days ago:

“Social/interesting/challenging/introvert/exhausting? Yeah, as I notice
and pay attention to it, I do find that, in fact, more intense
social/interacting stuff – even sometimes stuff I quite like, but
regardless, seems to quite wear me down. Whether I dreaded it, or
thought/felt it was good/great – I often find myself relatively wiped
afterwards – at least for a bit, and … rather sneaks up on me too.
Kind’a like, oh, gee, why did I just poop out and run out of energy
when I otherwise generally wouldn’t at all, and took a 2 hr. nap in the
afternoon or early evening. Wind the clock back a bit, and, … oh
yeah, about 2.5 hrs. before that – intense social interaction, or some
group social interaction thingy, or something like that. Ah, yes, we
have correlation. Sometimes the impact is more severe/extreme – but
that’s (much) more the exception, rather than the rule. And, does it
get better/easier with “practice”? I don’t think so, … at least for
the most part. But with much greater regularity/frequency, it seems to
somehow become easier. E.g., like once upon a time, then girlfriend
was out for extended visit staying with me. Five months long – quite a
long stay. I don’t think I found that all draining/exhausting/tiring.
But maybe it quite depends on circumstance. Also not sure exactly how
the first few days to week or so of that went in terms of energy vs.
“exhaustion”. Might be too many other factors in the mix to isolate
out the impacts of the social/interacting, vs. everything else also
going on at the same time. Settling down/in, and “comfort level” may
also be significant – if not huge – factors as to whether or not such
is more generally exhausting/draining or not … to perhaps even
somewhat the opposite.”

“Of course” bit of a typo (well more like braino) in that text. The bit about then girlfriend. Looks like I dropped a word or sentence fragment. That probably should have instead been something much more like: “don’t think I found that all that draining/exhausting/tiring” or … “found that particularly draining/” … or hardly, or much at all, or something like that.

Anyway, does social interaction drain/tire/exhaust me? Don’t think I’d paid much attention to it before, but as I pay attention and notice, at least in general, yeah, probably so. Yes, among the more common definitions of introvert vs. extrovert – extroverts essentially gain energy from such social interactions, thrive on it, seek it out. Introverts, it quite tends to wear them down and exhaust them – so generally more limited doses and/or means preferred, and tend to quite want the “alone” – or at least “quiet” time(s) too – and generally in abundance. And, yeah, I tend to score quite highly on the introverted side of the scale, e.g.: Quiz: are you an introvert? (me: 19 out of 20), Personality Types … & Myers-Briggs. Perhaps in some cases too, even the anticipation thereof can and does quite run me down. Even if/when it’s a generally quite positive experience, even highly so, does it still rather/quite drain/tire/exhaust me? Yes, does quite seem to – at least in many/most cases/circumstances. Possible exceptions? I think when I know the person(s) quite to highly well, and the interaction is pretty to quite frequent, I don’t seem to get the energy drain effect. Not sure what that is or what makes the difference. But seems to be more than “just” being very familiar with the person. Not sure what it is. Maybe something in the regularity of it when that’s quite present? Not sure what that might be, but … guessing/speculation … comfort level? But seems a bit more than that. Reduced stress/pressure? Maybe if seems/feels much more “available” to me – for that communication/interaction, it’s like it takes a whole lot of the stress off? Like I’m not “worrying” about / stressing over (even subconsciously) what to do with the quite limited availability/resource? Like I can’t be nearly as “connected” as I want, so I’m always trying to figure out how to best use the precious little time available? Or the mostly being quite unsure of that and how to use it, and always wanting more? Or maybe it’s “insecurity” – again, much more so subconscious. Fearing that limited availability could go away at any time – and maybe for a long time, or even forever? Maybe it feels much more satisfying/relaxing/comforting when it’s “more than enough” – doesn’t feel like a scarcity or under-supply, but most or all I’d want or more – at least insofar as that communication/”connection” goes, anyway? Who knows. Might be other stuff I, without knowing, do and/or don’t do, around such, that causes, or contributes in major way to what does/doesn’t happen regarding “energy” – or lack thereof, and tiredness/exhaustion. In any case, quite the interesting thought/observation, but does quite seem that we definitely have correlation – in general, that social interaction, regardless of how positive, how much I look forward to it and enjoy it, seek it out, even rather to highly crave it, in most cases, it actually runs me down at least some fair bit, and even when it goes rather to exceedingly well. And, regardless, maybe that, at least mostly, is a good thing? Not bad, anyway, but just is. Who knows, maybe it helps me relax, and even sleep.


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