Knowing me – and not (and via blog)

So, haven’t been feelin’ so hot lately (you kind’a noticed, eh?).  So, decided to make my blog not so trivially easy to read/access from my OkCupid profile.  Alright, I’ve done that.  But in my updating and rewriting that bit, it also very much occurs to me, that knowing me from my blogging, is not the same as rather/quite getting to know me live, interactively, in person (or even not in person, but at least live and interactive – phone conversations, heck, even live text chat).  Sure, there’s a lot of overlap, and neither untrue or false.  But they paint rather – or at least fairly(?) – different pictures.

And not only occurs to me about OkCupid, and folks (well, women … uhm, I’d at least hope, anyway) that do or may read it from there.  But occurs to me regarding “others” that read my blogs.  Okay, so far, only one actual person I personally know (as in IRL) that actually quite reads my blogs (and more than “just” this one blog of mine).  And yeah, does paint a rather different picture.  And, probably in that particular case with that one person, that’s particularly noteworthy because to a very large extent, that person knows, or even mostly knows me, from reading my blogs!  (Yeah, I know, rather/quite odd, but that’s where/how most of our communication – at least from me to that person – occurs; via my blogs; yeah, don’t ask, but is how it is).

Different pictures?  Yeah.  Well, me blogging, at least two highly key differences occur to me.  Perhaps rather/quite interrelated, but those key differences:

  • Blog – mostly just “dump”/broadcast/”transmission”.  It (mostly) highly lacks in interactivity and feedback – and most certainly in regards to anything anywhere near to “real-time” interactive and associated feedback.  And with that any “moderation”, and adjustments, “corrections”/clarifications etc. may be rather to even highly lacking.  There is no “active listener” providing feedback to my blog, it’s “impossible” – it’s not a conversation or dialog, not at all; not the format it at all lends itself to.  So, the nature of what comes out is very different with that feedback/interaction mostly just not there; nature of the medium / communications means – blog, it’s not real-time interactive.  And it sure as heck ain’t in person or face-to-face.  And, compassion.  Not to say it’s totally lacking, or not there, but trying to “feel” much or any compassion of “listener” when writing to blog?  Yeah, that feeling is mostly (nearly entirely) absent.  Not sayin’ the compassion isn’t there or may not be there, but me, feeling like I’ve got someone compassionately – even empathetically “listening” to me as I … blog?  Yeah, that feeling really is highly lacking.  Mostly feel like a “broadcast”/”dump”/”transmission” – out into the void – a siginal … maybe someone will pick up that signal, … maybe not.  Maybe it just goes out into the ether – off into the cold empty blackness of space, never picked up, or never acknowledged.  And I don’t know what I’ll get, if anything, or when.  Might be some compassion.  May be someone making fun of me or my writing or ridiculing me, or most anything I might write or “say” on blog.  Just don’t know what, or when, but it sure as hell ain’t live and interactive, and definitely also not in person.  So, that quite highly – if not radically – changes the dynamics.  And that, “of course”, also changes what comes out in the communication.  Or should I even quite call it “communication” in that case?  More like it’s data, and not even necessarily information.  With the feedback (mostly) not there, and to compound it, immediacy thereof just not there, what kind of “quality control” and feedback is there to much better and more accurately “shape” the information delivery, to ensure “listener” reasonably well understands what’s attempting to be communicated?  Yeah, that’s quite lacking.  Analogies suck, but, one that comes to mind.  Take a person.  Shut ’em off all alone in a room, no contact or interaction with outside.  Leave ’em with writing implements and a large stack of blank journals.  Instruct ’em to “write something”.  Come back in a few years or so and see what they’ve written.  Compare that to otherwise same scenario, but no writing instruments or anything to write on, but give ’em a regular visitor that they’re quite comfortable with.  Even if only a few hours per week – if even that – to be able to sit down and talk and converse with the person.  Do that for several years.  Compare the results of the communications – isolated journals, vs. conversations.  The results would be quite remarkably different.  Both “true”, but highly distinct and different impression.  Yeah, blog, … kind’a feel like man locked away in isolated room, no other contact, just writing implement and a large stack of blank journals to write on.  Blog is pretty darn isolating and isolated – but I guess a hair better than same scenario less the writing implement and medium to write upon.
  • Dump, “vent”, moan, groan, etc.  Probably fair bit more of that on blog than would occur in person.  Maybe not, or maybe not always, but would quite depend also upon (the in person) context.  A lot of that is due to mostly not having the feedback, etc. – certainly not “real-time”, and relatively little at that.  And a lot of me blogging is ’cause I “need to”.  Off into the void (or rather quite nearly seemingly/feeling so).  Goes to “here” (blog) ’cause it’s got nowhere else to go – no other means of communicating it to anyone else at all!  Yeah, the opportunities just ain’t there (certainly as it seems/appears to me, if not quite/highly the reality).  So, it gets put on blog as an “outlet”.  Communication means of last resort.  Heck, frankly, desperation.  In person, well connected would be highly different.  Probably mostly not (nearly) so much dump/”vent”/moan/groan/etc. – though there’d probably too still be some fair bit of that, but, hell, well connected, there’d be at least some fair bit of positive (heck, well connected is highly positive; ain’t got that).  But even on the “darker” stuff, may also more delve/explore more into – and through (and out of!) that … in well connected scenario.  Blog just doesn’t feel (hardly at all?) “well connected” … well, because it ain’t … it’s pretty darn detached, in a whole helluva lot of ways.  If I get some feedback, fine, … more-or-less.  But mostly I don’t.  Nature of the beast (blogging).

So, yes, very different pictures thusly painted – of same person.


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