It hurts

It hurts (and in more ways than one) – all the aloneness, isolation, not connected, unreached, untouched, etc., etc.

Analogies generally rather, suck, but … I was quite thinking earlier, on my way home, and, perhaps for lack of better attempt to explain, and maybe feeling my (attempt) at humor on the somewhat to quite ironic, bit sarcastic, and slightly perverse and twisted side of things, I come up with kind’a descriptive analogy that follows.  And analogy quite of me noticing it, feeling it, others looking, examining, offer advice, prescribing treatments, etc., goes something rather to quite analogous to the following.  All the king’s horses and all th e king’s men … no, wrong analogy.

Owe!  That friggin’ hurts!  Buggers, … how’d I not notice that going in?  Ayiee!  And I look down, to find the better part of a sword jammed through my leg.  How the hell did that happen?  Well, it friggin’ hurts … a lot!  And, … many months later – really around a year or so or more, it’s still there, and still hurts! … though I’ve gotten more “used to it” – though I could never get fully used to it.  Actually, maybe it’s been there longer – perhaps growing like that, maybe even for a very long time, and I didn’t notice it earlier?  Anyway, certainly been there at least around a year or so now – perhaps more.  Yeah, it’s more settled in there now, bandaged up better, change the dressings well and regularly enough, learned to more-or-less almost even ignore it while even walking with it there, but it’s still friggin’ there, and still hurts – yeah, asprin and the like doesn’t do all that much – takes the edge off a bit, but an expensive placebo is about as effective at that.

And, what have I done to try and get it better – treated, resolved, removed, or whatever?  Well, I was pretty surprised to find a sword sticking though my leg.  I think an acquaintance or friend of sorts first noticed something there and kind’a hinted I might wanna look into what’s going on there, and I check, and there’s a friggin’ sword stuck there.  Ouch!  No wonder it wasn’t feelin’ good at all.

So, of course first thing I do is go look it up on The Internet.  Is it in fact a sword that’s stuck in my leg?  Take some on-line tests and such.  Most seem to indicate it’s not a nothing, and it’s probably larger than a pen knife.  But test results on-line vary.  One said it was a guillotine blade, but most seemed to suggest something closer to sword – e.g. rapier, Samurai sword, while some indicated dagger, butcher’s knife, etc.  The better tests seemed to point towards sword, but whatever, I’m not an expert on these things, so I seek out more experienced and relatively expert advice.

So, I consult with some who know a bit more about blade/flesh injuries and the like.  Most seem to state that it’s likely a sword, but could be something else – especially if it happens to be something similar.  Some also suggest getting a proper professional diagnosis, and as applicable, treatment.  So, I learn what I can about it, and go get actual professional referral, examination, etc.  So, the generallist is like, “Yeah, should pro’lly have specialist look at that.”, so referral off to specialist.  And, specialist is like, “Yeah, I think it may have to do with early environmental history of your leg, and we should delve into that.”  Whereas I’m thinking it’s more likely something about the fundamental nature of the – what seems to be sword – and/or my leg, and how they came together.  Regardless, we examine the environment in which my leg grew up.  Specialist is of the general opinion that my leg didn’t properly learn how to deal with blades and swords growing up – on account of a sh*t teacher and some kids being quite nasty to me.  Whatever.  Even get referred to and take a specialized training class that should help my leg (and me) significantly better with regard to the apparent sword there quite paining me.  Do the class ‘n all that, take the training – interesting informative stuff, but in net, doesn’t really seem to have done much for the apparent sword in the leg thing – though perhaps it made me feel slightly less stressed and a hair more assured and confident about it.  Anyway, that was the more-or-less best professional’s crack at it.  Of course there were and are always lots of quacks too, and leading/bleeding edge theories and approaches too.  You know, … like try meditation, acupuncture, massage, herbs, aromatherapy, soothing music, much etc.  At least mostly didn’t seem too likely to me to be all that useful.

And, of course friends and family and the like – well, at least those that bothered to notice there was a sword stickin’ out of my leg and comment upon it, they too, of course, often chimed in with “advice”, trying to be helpful.  As too, sometimes did random and semi-random acquaintances that happened to notice.  Try running an electric current through it.  Vegan diet, that should help with that.  You need to join a commune … a polygamous one.  There’s this really big powerful hydraulic press – should be able to squash that sword thingy real flat just fine.  Have you tried swimming?  Warm water pools?  Perhaps a nice long vacation?  What if it’s a single’s cruise?  Foreign women – go travel to some foreign country, meet some nice foreign woman, she’ll fix you good.  Oh, you were engaged for over 8 years to someone living in another country?  Maybe try a different country, or a much shorter engagement … there’s Vegas, ya’ know.  Rock climbing, that should help tone up the leg and build strength and resilience.  You know, a stripper or a prostitute could be real understanding about something like that – maybe you should go see one.  Walks, hikes, fresh air, sunshine – all should quite help that – you need to get out more, do stuff you like doing.  Oh, it friggin’ hurts like hell?  Uhm, well, … whatever, just do it anyway.  Magnets.  If you wear these magnets around your wrists, … uhm, maybe your ankle on that leg too …  There’s this cool shop that has really good healing crystals – you should go there and get one – just be sure to get the right type and one that’s properly blessed – you don’t want one of those other crystals, or it won’t work.  Are you taking vitamins?  How ’bout some good supplements?  Have you tried Tiger Balm?  I hear that’s real good for that.  Vitamin E?  Bio Oil – that will also reduce the scarring.  Did you try a bath in Epsom Salt?  What about tomato juice, lemon juice, or vinegar?  I hear cider vinegar does wonders for that.  Did you call that Psychic Friends number I gave you?  The First Family has used it, so it’s gotta be good and reliable, right?  God will heal that good, just believe and pray, and I’ll pray for you too. It’s the corrupt government that caused that – {social/commun/ideal}ism (or anarchy) will fix that. Single payer national health care would fix that.  They got that in Canada, you know.  I think there’s a flaw in the blade metal that’s causing your pain.  We should replace it with a better quality sword.  You could probably get a medical marijuana prescription for that, that might help – well, at least your appetite, anyway.

And I keep lookin’ at the damn thing, and thinking, really, there should be a much more clear and obvious way of well taking care of this.  But damned if I know what it is.  And thus far all the advice and even professional examination and recommendation, “treatment” and training for such – it really hasn’t helped much.

And it’s still friggin’ there, and yeah, it still hurts a lot – though I often try to ignore it as much as I can – not that ignoring it makes it feel better, or that it’s easily ignored, but paying a helluva lot of attention to it also doesn’t seem to make it feel better – sometimes even causes it to hurt a lot worse – like trying to pull or twist or press that blade about, when it seems quite a bit less painful to just leave it where it is, and mostly just not touch it – much as I want it – or at least the pain, to go away.

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