You know your life sucks, when …

Okay, not to be taken too seriously, but

“You know your life sucks, when …”

It’s Sunday, not too far into Sunday, but certainly well into the weekend.  You find yourself looking forward to work Monday.  Not because the work or Monday’s work is all that great, no, not at all, it’s just okay.  Okay, dreading it too, but also quite looking forward to it.  It’s just that, well, compared to the non-work life and one’s weekend … work, pleasant distraction?  No, more like slightly (seemingly) preferable distraction from the void of one’s life.  And, most of the workweek, one looks forward to the weekend and even evenings, ’cause, well, it’s not work, and the work is far from enthralling.  <sigh>

Connections, interactions – find that highly lacking.  So, one goes out, interacts, does some volunteer stuff, talks with some folks, some fresh air and sunshine even.  And, well, certainly at least for the most part (with zero to negligible exception), feel like one’s still (and quite objectively) isn’t really making any “connections” – no real traction “there” … or … really quite anywhere.  Really nothing, or not much, beyond idle chit-chat.  Some faces, some chit-chat, maybe slight bit more, maybe some first names, and then … nothing.  And, … after, doing/attempting, over, and over, and over and over and over, ad nauseum, really, is it even worth trying, and trying again, and again, and again, and again and again, etc.?  Hardly seems worth it – if at all.  Really gets to be kind’a to quite tiring/exhausting/depressing after a while, particularly when essentially the same pattern repeats over and over and over and over, with little to nothing (mostly lots of nothing) to show for it.  Why bother trying?  After all, it does quite feel like just repeatedly banging head into a brick wall.  Is there some point to it?

The most exciting thing of your evening/night, is when, at 2:54 A.M. your smoke detector battery wants to be replaced.  And it’s not that exiting – at all.  But you were already awake anyway, before it gave that first “chirp”.

And, what would life be without humor, or … at least irony?  So, … communication – damn important to me.  Call it essential need.  Touch – human touch – call that at least highly important “want” with me … can survive without, but surviving isn’t the same as living.  So, most friggin’ fantastic wonderful of friends.  :-)  Ain’t that great!  :-)  Yup, love that friend!  Uhm, but … through no one’s fault at all … communication … severely limited, and touch?  Nope, not even like a handshake or a pat on the back.  Again, nobody’s fault at all, but just how it needs be.  Ah, the friggin’ irony of it, though, eh?  “Oh well”, despite such limitations – even in crucial area(s), damn good friggin’ fantastic friend beats the hell out’a zero friends – which was essentially where I was about a year ago.

Dreams, fantasies?  Hopes, expectations?  When you find your fantasies have been “adjusted” from, well, living happily and closely with someone you’re very much in love with and highly compatible with, to … marginally interacting, but interacting a bit more, with someone you actually quite like and get along with quite well, because, well, even though the latter seems rather to highly improbable, it seems a helluva lot more “realistic” (if even not so) and probable than the former – which seems and feels so absurdly improbable as to be not only utterly unattainable, but, not even anywhere close to possible.

And so it goes.

Welcome to my life.


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