Friendship, relationship, am I ready?

Friendship, relationship, am I ready?

What am I quite up for and really ready for?

Friendship?  Am I ready to find and forge those connections, and forge and grow them?  I still quite suck at making friends, e.g. group social situations, and managing to peel folks off from the group for more one-on-one conversations, etc.  So, definitely not (yet) highly adept at any and all issues surrounding friendship.  Probably need to also adjust my attitude a bit – generally.  “I suck at” really isn’t the best way to frame things – particularly towards improving them, and attitude towards self.  Should frame and think of it more as growth opportunity, rather than “I suck at”.  “Tremendous opportunity for growth” does at least sound a lot more positive than “I suck at”, eh?  So, sure, attitude does matter, and significantly so.  But that by itself does not ensure success.  In any case, friendship, sure, mostly very willing, able, capable, desiring and wanting to do and take that on.  So I may have some, er, “opportunities” to do better on the finding and starting friendships. But other than that, on friendships – ready, willing, interested, capable, etc.?  Sure, most definitely so – very highly so, even.  I’ve supported friends a whole helluva lot, and do care to do so.  Just ain’t got so much of that opportunity at present – in that I mostly lack the friends to so support and befriend.

Relationship?  Am I ready for that and quite up for it?  A more interesting question, and not quite as simple and straight-forward of an answer.  I think the short version answer to that is “yes” … but … a qualified yes, rather than an unconditional one.  Maybe best to “answer” by explaining what I’m not up for, and notwithstanding that, the answer is quite “yes”.  Wanting a relationship, craving a relationship, highly desiring to be in a good/excellent relationship – yes, highly so, no question about that.  Willing to do the work, time, effort, energy, attention, etc. for such – yes, very much so.  Willing to go to extremes, bend over backwards to … well, does quite depend.  Certainly not unhealthily so.  I’ll sure do a lot for that “right” relationship – but not or beyond the point of screwing myself over, or otherwise being quite unhealthy or otherwise just not good or at least reasonably fair to myself.  Doesn’t mean I can’t or wouldn’t put a lot into it – even in rather unbalanced manner so, e.g. quite a bit more than the other person.  But, not “too much” – for some definition of “too much”, which would depend on various subjective, practical, and some objective, criteria and conditions.  So, in what ways am I not ready, or possibly not ready?  Speed.  Not too fast.  Right – or at least sufficiently “right” pace is quite important.  And, with “right” person, that’s probably a non-issue.  “Too fast” is not good.  With “right person”, they’d be fine with not going faster than pace I was comfortable with.  “Too slow” – also not good.  I’m quite patient, etc., but if things stall for “way too long” (a rather subjective measure), that probably won’t work out either.  E.g. things mostly not progressing for years or more – having been through that – heck, … probably even e.g. many (6?) months or more, probably not going to work.  Not that it’s impossible or such, but, if the other person isn’t ready for a relationship, and ready to progress in and grow that, well, then the timing is probably too far off for them, and not the time for “us” to be starting a relationship.  If they’re ready to start at some other time, sure, that might be fine – but starting when they’re not (reasonably) ready, no, that’s not good, and probably wouldn’t fly.  Not that those particular “speed” bits are ready vs. not ready, but more so mostly what would and wouldn’t work with/for me – given life history to current and all that.  What about meeting women, social skills, “dating” and all that?  Uhm, … “I suck at” … er, … “incredible growth opportunity”.  Okay, so I’m not so great at (understatement) finding and approaching women.  So, … that cuts the prospects and probabilities way down.  But, once I make it to initial meeting – as in like “date” or similar (at least one-on-one), I think I do fairly well from there – not sure if there’s a whole helluva lot that could be improved there … or not.  Really not sure what such stats ought to look like, vs. what mine really quite are.  Possibly another “incredible growth opportunity” there … or not.  Probability I’ll ever make it to a “third date” or meeting or whatever, and beyond, is (always?) quite slim – but then again, probability any two people will be “that” compatible, is also quite low, so maybe that’s how it’d go even if my social/”dating” skills with women were highly optimal.  So, sure, not withstanding any deficits in social skills there, sure, yes, I’m “ready” on that count.  What about “ready” for what women want/expect/desire?  Well, I’m me.  If I’m not what they want, it’s not going to work anyway.  But, notwithstanding that … what about superficialities – accoutrements, etc.  You know, … chariot, castle, the finest and presentment in attire, etc.  Well, those things do matter, but … for the “right” person, they matter relatively little.  Really, if they’re interested in and attracted to my property, possessions, income, “wealth”, etc. and/or repelled by lack(s) thereof, that’s a major turn-off.  I want someone who’s interested in me and in me for who I am, not what I possess or bring to the table in economic or material resources/possessions.  So, how else, ready, interested, capable, lack of “baggage”, desirous, not (too) “needy”, etc?  Sure, I’d say quite ready.  Relative lack of “baggage” (none, or close to none?).  Desiring of relationship?  Oh sure, most and quite definitely.  Friends ‘n all that is great, really “need” that too – or sure as hell ought to quite have good friends too – beyond and in addition to any great relationship (something I’ve at least sometimes quite failed to do).  Needy, clingy, or too much so?  Naw, … I think that’s gotten fair bit better relatively recently.  Maybe it’s not so much that there’s something all that incredibly wonderful there in the friendship or relationship realm, but oddly, yet importantly, perhaps much more so, some hope and possibilities.  I think that cuts way down on the “desperation” factor – which tends to be decidedly unattractive – at least to most.  Maybe too, getting more “settled” mostly with neither friend(s) nor relationship, well, that also cuts down on the “desperation” – even if the situation is far from ideal.  Am I “okay” with being single?  Yeah, I guess, sure, … at least with some friend(s) – or reasonable potential thereof – single is a lot more tolerable.  Yeah, sure, rather sucks, far from ideal, but … “okay”, even if kind’a marginally so.  Heck, thus far spent more of my adult life as single, than not, and even when not single, most all of that has been living apart.  Never actually really did cohabitate – as in actually moved in together.  Not to trivialize, at all, living in same place for months or more, but not having “moved in together”, it’s still short of cohabitation.  So, … I damn well ought to be “okay” with single and living alone – even if it’s definitely not my preferred state.

So, sure, “ready”, or at least mostly and generally “ready”, or “ready enough”.  Certainly not ideal, but what ever is?


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