mood – better, but fragile?

So, last several weeks or so – about monthish, my mood hasn’t been all that great, … generally bit or more below “fair”/”okay” – at least on average … at least not highly down/horrible, but certainly below what is generally “average” – at least for me anyway. And it’s been up and down some bit within that too, but the average has been down from where it ought to be and typically is.

Anyway, regardless, last couple weeks or so, been doing better, … mood closer to what’s my “average” for me (which would typically be in the generally okay, pretty good, to good range). Odd bits I noticed though. It still seems relatively fragile. E.g. some rather to even very minor disappointment in myself, and my mood goes quickly crashing rather to quite low (even if very temporarily). It ought not drop like that, and certainly not that easily. Interesting bit I noticed too, it’s stuff that I do … or more notably fail to do – or “fail” at, that drops my mood precipitously. Seems comparatively impervious (though not entirely so) to things others do (or don’t do or fail to do, or whatever) to me, or just random stuff that happens. Can’t quite say that was the case a bit further back … e.g. like about 4 weeks or so – mood was quite in the crud range, and just about any type of disappointment from anyone or anything would just tend to sink it quite a bit lower far too easily.

So, … still not sure quite what’s up with that – my mood still, at present, dropping so easily with the slightest of disappointments in myself. That’s not “normally” the case for me. Been a comparatively rough last … oh … getting fairly close to two months now. Quite a bit has happened, … a lot … starting around two months ago, but more notably starting approximately a week into June. Anyway, I guess a lot of that is still “settling in”. Kind’a like I need to “rebuild” myself back up again, or be more “fortified” … or perhaps just a simpler matter of things needing to settle back in again and more properly “find their place”. So, maybe inside I feel more “jumbled” than ought to be the case. Anyway, at least the general trend is improving, and things seem relatively on track for making it fairly soon back to what is “normal” or “average” … at least for me anyway. Not necessarily for anyone else.

Interesting thing too, … over time, my mood just tends to “level out”. Pretty much regardless of how great and/or horrible things have gone, what’s happened, circumstances, etc., … after a while, my mood tends to level out pretty much in the “okay” to “pretty good”, or even “good” range – and pretty much regardless of happenings and circumstances. Maybe in some ways it’s some kind of “evolved” thing? That the even keeled somewhere around the middle mood generally works best – regardless of, at least longer term, ongoing circumstances? And perhaps because of that, that’s where the mood tends to settle out to.

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