friends and relationships – personal stats, and other goop

So … still feeling kind’a like crud, … but at least better than some earlier parts of “today” (well, Sunday … likely be yesterday by the time I finish typing up and editing this). Not that it was anyone’s “fault”. Sometimes stuff just happens or whatever. Sometimes some of it triggers or ties into something else or whatever … or not. Anyway, don’t want to ramble on about that … head’s been visiting places it best not ought to go. So, … better to think on something positive, … er, uhm, well, okay, lacking positivity at present, how ’bout neutral or neutralish, and at least “interesting”?

“How did you two meet?”

So, thinking of all my “relationships” and friendships … ever, and thinning a bit so as to at least generally not call something friendship when acquaintanceship is generally more appropriate descriptor – but more on that in a bit. So, “how did we meet?” The stats are kind of “interesting”, to say the least. Very likely shy, introverted, and/or Asperger syndrome or the like factor in rather to quite significantly.

So, what to count, and not – notably friendship vs. acquaintanceship, and whether or not a “relationship” ought to be counted or not. Also, for sake of completeness, let’s also include family – but only where they otherwise qualify for one of the “count” categories. And also, let’s cover “since forever” – as far back as I can remember at all.

What “counts” – or at least what I’m counting here … rather than use slightly more conventional definitions for acquaintanceship vs. friendship, “relationship”, etc. – and even that could be relatively ambiguous as to whether to count or not count various individuals relative to myself, let’s mostly work with a much simpler more functional definition. Will also “bend” the definition/interpretation a bit for (much) younger ages – as some of it otherwise just wouldn’t be particularly applicable. So, will count these: Minimum (yet sufficient) qualifying criteria:

  • I at least like them (or liked, as case may have been – likewise for tenses below
  • They “got” me – not necessarily all that incredibly well and completely, but at least “enough” – they understood me at least fairly well – and not merely thought they did, but actually really did – maybe not a whole helluva lot, but at least some reasonably significant “chunk”(s) worthy of note.
  • I felt quite comfortable enough with them that I could quite talk to them … not necessarily about anything and everything, but at least much, if not lots (However, that doesn’t necessarily mean I actually got to talk to them all that much or nearly as much as I might have wished – see also further below).
  • some good significant amounts of communication transpired – not just lighter stuff, but at least some rather to quite “deep” stuff. And not just a time or two or three, but, oh, say roughly at least a half dozen or more times, and spanning at least a few weeks or more (often much more).
  • younger ages stuff – for younger ages (e.g. especially pre-teen), where much of that isn’t applicable or nearly as applicable, let’s “bend” those definitions, mostly go by comfort/rapport level – if it was or felt quite comfortable, good rapport, and generally rather to quite friendly – we’ll count those for cases of non-family, but not count family so easily, unless it also later otherwise qualified.
  • In Real Life (IRL) / Face-to-Face (F2F) – let’s limit it to folks where it at least included a non-trivial amount/percentages of that. I.e. if it was only ever online (though that could be rather to quite significant), not gonna count it here. Also, if actual IRL/F2F meetings were exceedingly few (e.g. less than approximately 3 or so), not gonna count those, but if it’s more (say roughly 5 or more), then those may qualify – if they otherwise meet stated criteria.
  • reciprocity not – I’m not going to eliminate those where things may have been rather to quite unbalanced – e.g., at least hypothetically, if they were hella good close friend for me, great “listener”, supporter, “got me”, etc., but I was not or could not at all be a friend to/for them, well, would still count such a case. However, won’t count cases were I am or was quite the friend, etc. to them, and they were not or could not otherwise meet the specified definitional criteria for me.
  • If I can’t so much as remember their first name, I’ll not count ’em – presuming that was too insignificant, or too far back for me to remember whether or not it otherwise ought to count.
  • I may give some particularly borderline cases a fractional number

So, not too much detail … certainly don’t want anyone to feel like they’re particularly “in”, or “out”. Anyway, let me think of all the possibilities that might possibly come anywhere even remotely in the ballpark, and then thin it to what “qualifies” for what I’m considering “counts” here.

And we have (small number statistics, but nevertheless):
Grand Total: 13
… well, the numbers are too small on the stats for me to break out in more detail – so I won’t … instead I’ll aggregate some similar/related types, and report that data.
inherent relationships – namely I “had” to be around them and/or interact with them, e.g. family, school, work, neighbor (where neighbor interacted with me, at least initially): 10.5
online: 2.5

And if we just look at since school/college, and not including work or family (spans well over quarter century): grand total for that time: 2.5, and all via online.

Yeah, that’s a pretty sucky average. That’s like about one new friend or relationship that “counts” per decade for most of my adult life. (Gee, and I thought I was gonna be looking at something neutralish … “oh well” – is what it is.)

If we really stretch things – looking at most any and all even so much as borderline acquaintanceship (like between acquaintanceship and nothing border, that is) … still, some of the “stats” are interesting. Without so much as trying to count and add ’em all up and categorize ’em and such (which might not be feasible anyway), what’s probably more noteworthy/”interesting”, anyway, is what’s totally lacking in the “how met”. If we look beyond “inherent relationships” as described earlier above, and also ignore online – anything that was only ever there, or started there – and I’ll lump personal ads in with “online” for this one too, what kinds of contacts/meetings of any relative significance – anywhere close to “counts” or seemed like maybe it even had potential thereof? Pretty damn f*cking close to zero, if not precisely zero. E.g. friends made via some common interest (again, excluding online) – zero, potential leads/interactions beyond “inherent relationships” (maybe I ought to call that “inherent interactions” – whatever) and excluding via online/personals – zero. Sure, met folks, talked with folks, given my contact info to folks – sometimes even get theirs, but what of it? At least thus far, great big giant fat stinkin’ zero. Even that very promising seeming interaction quite recentlyreally what’s the probability of that? Of all such prior interactions that seemed at all promising, how many of those ever developed into anything of note? Zero. How many of ’em ever even so much as contacted me back at all? Pretty damn friggin’ close to zero, if not precisely zero (can’t think of one single one, off-hand). So, from that perfectly wonderful recent contact? Probability that I’ll hear back? Slim to nothin’ (and as they say, “Slim just left the room”). Cr*p. FML. Oh well, … some trace of hope. Been actually occasionally starting some conversations. That at least helps the odds some modest bit. But damn, still pretty sucky. Still not having that many “conversation starts” – really quite few – I’m doing good if I manage 2 a day. And sometimes I’m just not up for it. E.g., okay, Friday had that lovely conversation with stranger, and she’s got my number and email address … but rather likely I’ll never hear. Saturday I try and start some conversations – manage to start teensy bit of conversation with one random stranger, … but after that (and attempting for some hour or hours or more), I’m just too worn out and “give up” for the time being – at least until I’ve got a sufficiently decent attitude (and mood!) that I won’t totally f*ck it up before making it out the gate. So, … Sunday, I really just wasn’t up for it … had some other stuff goin’ on too, but nevertheless no shortage of opportunity, lots of people … for the most part, didn’t even try – at all … just wasn’t up for it. Did finally barely try with one person before heading home – and it completely and totally sucked, so that was my end of trying for the day. Felt really like cr*p coming home … wasn’t so much that, … or really even what did and didn’t otherwise happen earlier during the day. Much more so just some other “baggage” – stuff I ought not to have been reminded of or thought of, but yeah, some of what happened that day – shouldn’t have – but did – managed to make me feel like some really cr*p negative and rather traumatic experience from some many decades ago. Cr*p. Well, was mostly just unfortunate timing/circumstances. Forget (or try to), and move on.

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