When you *really* need …

When you really need …

You can’t always get what you want
And if you try sometime, you’ll find, you get what you need” – Rolling Stones

“Necessity is the mother of invention”

… and perhaps quite, and maybe even especially, if one doesn’t (consciously?) try, or “invent” or the like.

Ever notice – okay, maybe not for “everyone”, but …
When you really acutely need something, whatever it is, even if you doesn’t realize that you need it, or precisely or at all what it is or would be, well, it “happens”. Miracle? <cough> I think not … not at all. No, I think it’s mostly or entirely:

Evolved. Sure, long way to go, yet still, very highly evolved we are. And I think very often in ways we often, if not completely, fail to realize. If you really need some particular “it” to survive, you will find “it”. Why? If that weren’t the case, those failing to secure “it”, would have died and such inability would mostly disappear from the gene pool. Thus at least mostly, what survives can quite manage to secure any really needed “it”.

Damn friggin’ intelligent and capable – and in ways we often or entirely fail to realize. Part of that evolved. We can manage to do some pretty amazing things. And especially when we must to survive. I think a whole lot of powerful processing goes on there … subconscious, transmitted and received signals on so many levels – body language, gestures, expressions, motions, postures, nature and speed of reaction, intonations and inflections, all kinds of subtle and detailed things in the environment that we might not at all consciously notice, rather to highly accurate perceptions and interpretations thereof, again even if mostly or not at all on conscious levels, pheromones and other chemical messages sent/received, brain/body neurological and chemical connection, physical capabilities substantially beyond what we’d commonly believe or presume, etc. Anyway, much or all of that can combine, to produce some pretty amazing things, notably securing any really acutely needed “it”.

Examples, examples, personal and/or otherwise …

Rather to quite hard times – especially over the last several weeks or more. Been feeling way too isolated, and too frequently pretty darn down (and often mostly feeling like crawling in a cave, doing exactly nothing, and not coming out – though that would hardly improve much or anything). Friend count, especially anything in the rather to quite close realm (e.g. where I actually felt quite comfortable with them and could really talk with them – or at least felt I could) … at least in terms of such friend(s) actually at all reasonable available to me and “that close”, or “close enough”, yeah, … that count is a big fat goose egg, and been at that count for way too long – probably well over a year or more now, despite serious efforts to change that for over a year. So, … surviving, and finding that really needed “it”? Yeah, sure, been trying to make friends, social contacts hoping to make friends, blah blah, … ain’t exactly happened (thus far no resulting friend) … at least yet. So, … what’s been happening as of quite late? At least in noteworthy parts, and mostly on autopilot … really not so much thinking it through (at least consciously) – if even at all, mostly just “feeling” it through … and more so simply just reacting, without consciously thinking much about it at all. E.g. me managing to rather significantly f*ck up – quite forgetting something important … not “important” in the grand scheme of things, but … probably mostly a way of me signalling self, that “this is f*cked, and it needs to change!”. Too damn much unberrable rejection. Just friggin’ sick of it. Need acceptance, not rejection. So what do I find myself doing? Pinching off a lot of that rejection. Not only there (OkCupid), but as I think about it, bunch of emails exchanged – okay, so mostly me sending too long of emails, and too many, and what do I find myself doing instead? Teensy uber short email – just one, by itself … hardly any exposure of anything “there” to be “rejected” – or to feel rejected by or about (e.g. not responded to or addressed). Essentially both, major reductions in exposed vulnerability profile … maybe roughly like fat juicy prey, making itself appear much more scrawny and unappetizing to any perceived potential predator or “threat”. And other bit, quite along with that, and in sequence …

So, yeah, me quite shy and all that (and introverted too) – mostly, especially the “shy”, doesn’t help on getting “connected” and making friends or such, especially when such is so acutely needed – or at least some kind of reasonable, and useful support. So, … what happens today (well, yesterday now – past midnight as I continue to write this) – and without my even hardly trying? Sure, been trying to start conversions with strangers and all that … but, though bit improved, hardly close to making any real “connections” out of that yet. So, today, on way home, I managed to talk to a perfect stranger. Big deal, right? Like not. Except, … that’s not how it went. Sure, managed to start to talk. Then the relatively amazing bits. Without so much as particularly thinking about it, not only managed to keep the conversation going, but it was very nice pleasant conversation, she quite interested in me (or “interested enough”), and interested in conversing further, and not only did I give her my contact information, but she was very interested in obtaining my contact information. So, … need and “it”. Really needed that bit of connectedness – and hope – and not some absolutely nothing there and maybe it’ll happen kind’a vague nebulous (and pretty hollow feeling) “hope”, but at least the beginnings of something quite positive, and at least potentially very promising and tangible – not just some mere empty hope, but at least a modest real taste of what may be very possible. So, yeah, really needed that. Can’t even think of anything that’s gone anywhere close to that well – especially at all with me talking to some stranger, at least for the most part, for many years or more! And yeah, really do need something there – or at least different and better, to survive … it’s been rather to quite the struggle recently, … at least on-and-off.

A somewhat similar example, but bit further back in time (roughly year and a half ago, or so?). Was dealing with major super stressful stuff with a once very good friend – was still “friend” at the time (at least I to her, but she no longer capable of being a friend to me), and trying to help her as much as feasible, but things were going incredibly badly, and super major stressful. And, for the most part, it wasn’t something I could or would talk to anyone else about (mostly in regard and deference to friend’s medical/mental privacy and such). But, I really needed the support in going through and dealing with that. And also quite acutely lacked the friend(s) for support on that – she otherwise being one such friend, but she was totally down for the count, and another just too damn distant and inaccessible … and nothing else to speak of. So, … really needed the support! What happened? “Random stranger” – somehow, again, without even specifically really trying or intending to, manage to strike up conversation with one such total stranger … and … went quite well. And, … that total stranger, … our commutes typically overlapped pretty regularly, so such was first of quite a number of conversations. Never really even made it into the “friends” zone, but still, it was “enough” – at least having some nice face-to-face conversation on semi-regular basis … not like I could really talk about what was going on with that other “friend” anyway, but regardless, it was quite good, and very needed.

Psychological survival mechanisms. I’ve certainly seen this in others, and in rare and “ancient” (over quarter century ago, and well before I was even a quarter century old), at least some aspects of it in myself. Something happens that’s totally intolerable and that one cannot accept? Well, one won’t believe it, will remember it otherwise, or the memory will be “blacked out” – still there in the head somewhere – even strongly so – but completely and totally inaccessible from consciousness. Need to believe something, or something differently to survive, be it true, or not, seen or heard or felt, or not? One believes it, and for self, that becomes, … “is” the truth … what one believes, did or didn’t see, hear, experience, etc. – regardless of actual “mere” fact of what did or didn’t occur or is actually real or not. Many would often call such a miracle they’d experienced or witnessed or found, or that “found them”. Not I – I’d always think of such a quite evolved survival mechanism (though far be it from me to generally at all challenge or threaten what someone “found” that they need to survive). Sometimes such can be rather to quite problematic – a seriously interfering delusion, or a reactive coping mechanism that was formerly, or once, needed for survival, but has become more problematic than beneficial. Yet, at least at some time, it was needed to survive.

Some very highly evolved and super fast thinking/reactions. But, evolved in a much higher level sense – hardly something that would be innate, but rather a specifically developed incredible skill – and often much without at all explicitly practicing it. Example, me, major bicycle accident with car. Major damage to car (large, heavy built American car, almost certainly built in the 1970s), twisted the frame of the car so much that the quarter panel in front of the driver’s side door buckled in – and that was not at all a point of impact. Bicycle, a Schwinn Varsity – heavy built cold rolled steel frame – frame severely damaged (the end of that bicycle) … bottom tube (tube that connects between crankshaft area and front towards steering – bent about a good 15 degrees, and pressed in at that same location so much it had a thick bumpy wave to it – the steel there probably about 50% or more thicker and bulged up than before the accident. And the top tube, similarly bent about maybe 12 degrees or more, but pulled and stretched – so much so the metal was quite demonstrably and noticeably thinner, paint stretched out, flaked and broken into tiny diamond shapes, showing lots of bare metal below, and stretch so far that it opened up a small hole through the steel round tubing of that part of the frame, at the uppermost point and side where it had been stretched. And, … how did I fare in that accident? Serious injuries but quite survivable? Not so serious, but still injuries? Maybe damn lucky, and just some cuts, scrapes, bruises and the like, and nothing more? Okay, maybe absurdly so, and just some minor bumps and strains, but absolutely nothing else? How ’bout this – what actually happened injury-wise: Absonlutely no injury to me at all – not even a scrape, strain, no pulled muscles, no bumps, no skin scrape, … absolutely nothing! Zero physical injury at all in the slightest! (Yes, shocked and shaken, but not into physical shock … and even hours/days later, not any injury found later that was earlier missed, or didn’t show up or become noticed right away). So, … how the heck, such a major accident, and not only survive it, but manage to escape completely without injury!? Well, my theory goes like this. Many many years (well over 8, probably 10 or more at the time), and many hours and miles (well over 10,000) of cycling experience and including much of it in and around lots of traffic. But still, how? What, like practiced going through and surviving accidents, or been through many accidents before? Hardly … at least not precisely that. But, my theory goes, that brain had very accurately run those simulated scenarios – and for the most part subconsciously – running a whole lot of “what if” simulations, and figuring out pretty darn much exactly what to do to best survive, and as feasible avoid, accidents – especially anything threatening of life and/or limb. So when the accident actually happened, how did I react? Without thinking at all – no time for that – highly quick reactive, starting in mere fraction of a second – I reacted, … and how? Well, analyzing the situation, even after very careful consideration, I really could not possibly have reacted to and handled it any better than I did. Needed most highly optimal reaction, and without so much as thinking it at all – at least consciously – that’s exactly how I reacted and not only survived it, but went through that major accident (destroyed Schwinn Varsity bike frame – built about like a tank, of heavy steel construction – and even quite significantly bent frame of heavy built American car) … and escaped it with zero injury to myself. And not the only time more-or-less something like that happened in near split second timing. Over many years of bicycling (including many additional years and tens of thousands of miles), sure, some accidents, and some significant numbers of close calls. But when I go back and carefully analyze exactly what happened in each case, near misses – could hardly have handled such better, … and accidents, couldn’t have handled better, were quite unavoidable, and injuries from all those accidents? Never anything beyond some minor scrapes, cut(s), and possibly sometimes some slight strain or bruise – which is really pretty minor given how devastating at least some of those accidents could have been (bicycle often didn’t fare so well).

So, yep, … need – when it’s really truly needed, and to survive – it’s simply just done, found, or “happens”. Others may give quite different explanations, but I’d say it’s some very advanced and quite highly evolved capabilities within us. Too bad we can’t so highly well use and leverage that all or most all the time though … would probably be exceedingly exhausting – takes a lot of internal resource to make those things happen (at least my theory), but when it has to happen, it does. Or … perhaps much or most of the time we do quite use those very exceptional capabilities – and we haven’t yet learned that or particularly how and where we do so.

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