flooder (shy babbler)? and/or/”vs.” intense flows/exchanges of communication

In dating – "da rules" (pacing, etc.) I mention “more intense, long, repeated, and frequent flows and/or exchanges of communication“, etc. So, … when I talk “at” someone lots, is that because the communication is going rather to quite well or better (it may at least sometimes be rather to quite lopsided in either direction, at any given point in time), or is it rather …

I recently stumbled across this:
Unlike freezers, flooders do the opposite: They babble. And while initially what they’re saying can be lively and intersting, it becomes tiresom if they don’t let others participate or show interest in their thoughts or ideas.“[1] And yes I’m shy, but more on that for another post.

Anyway, … various cases past, not sure which I was necessarily doing. I was often thinking/”feeling” (and perhaps incorrectly), that I was more-or-less intensely communicating, and/or generally mostly just kind of expressing and communicating rather to fairly well, even if not particularly or especially intensely, but definitely lots and in the cases/instances with me doing at least the vast majority of the talking. Anyway, after I read the preceding bit, it definitely gave me pause to think. I don’t think it had occurred to me earlier that what I might in fact have been doing – without realizing it, was essentially flooding/babbling – covering the uncomfortableness of shyness or void/silence in communication, by talking (way) too much – notably not picking up (at least at times) when it was overwhelming (and/or just tiring, exhausting, boring, etc.) for the person listening, and they were mostly just overloading and/or tuning out, rather than listening particularly or much at all, or at all well and comfortably.

So, … not quite sure what may have happened in some various cases regarding that – and which was going on. Was it intense, effective, but lopsided communication when I was the one talking lots, or was it me being shy and flooding them – babbling on rather to quite incessantly. And probably doing that even much worse so when they, for whatever reasons (exhaustion, tired, bored, shy, whatever), were being rather to quite silent and providing negligible feedback beyond their being very silent.

Anyway, may have been a variety or mix of things, in various cases/circumstances/happenings. Could have been all or mostly one, or the other, or some of both … and/or other thing(s) I’ve not even yet particularly thought of.

In any case, bears watching and paying attention to – so I don’t set myself up as being flooder/babbler when I’m shy (or even generally otherwise in most circumstances). Again, not sure precisely what factors have been most present when. And quite possibly I might be the only person best situated to sort and figure out how much of which was happening when. But in any case, it would be a good thing to pay reasonably careful attention to, and to try not to be flooder/babbler in such circumstances. And, when in doubt, test/measure, etc. It should be quite feasible to find out and better understand what particular dynamic(s) may have been, or likely were involved.

1. The Shy Single – A Bold Guide to Dating for the Less-than-Bold Dater, Bonnie Jacobson, Ph.D.


Tags: , , , , , , , ,

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: