Trying? Or not? Or time to take a break, or ??? And other ramblings.

So … not much action … okay, about zero. So maybe I haven’t been trying super hard … or hardly at all.

So, let’s see, what have I got to show for “it” (OkCupid, etc.) thus far.
Whole lot of hours put into it … guestimating some dozens or more
hours over … about 7 months. Probably very roughly 200 hours, give or take.
“Results” thus far? Meh. Got a fairly decent profile up that I’m mostly fairly satisfied with. It does – even with negligible activity (why in well over a month now does OkCupid keep telling me I answered all the questions and doesn’t give me opportunity to answer a single new question – do they really want me to go away, or what? Activity on accounts – including answering questions, is one of the things that actually gets folks noticed – as it does show up on folks home pages … no such activity, much lower visibility … and it’s not like I wanna rejigger the profile description and photos just to change ’em to generate “activity” – that’d be pretty lame anyway.). … anyway, even with negligible activity, it still generates the occasional view … but (exceedingly) rarely any response. So, … not much happenin’ there (about zilch). Folks I’ve met? Grand total of two – one twice, … went well first time, not so hot 2nd time, has been basically nothing since, … other, didn’t seem so probable/likely, but gave it a shot anyway … it pretty much flopped right off the bat – one meeting and that was that – nowhere from there. Anything else? Eh, there’s been (“was”) the occasional nice bits of banter and chit-chat back and forth here ‘n there … but even all that’s quite “dried up” – even the most promising of it … some nice responses, but then sent several more message … never so much as a response whatsoever. Sucks, but so it goes. So, … whole lot ‘o time & energy, for pretty negligible results. Ah, so sit here and groan about it … yeah, … lot of good that does … not!

So … now what? Try harder? Try not so hard (“desperate” generally comes off as quite unattractive). “Give up?” (Naw, I’m wee bit too stubborn for that). Try different and/or elsewhere? Maybe, I dunno. Give it a break? Maybe, … sort’a kind’a have been anyway … have been busy … sort’a easing back into it … partially, … but definitely haven’t “dived back in” … haven’t tried very hard at all (but “too hard” may be counterproductive anyway).

So … what next? Better and/or more efficient/useful/promising/etc.?
Where? And how?

Speed Dating? Hardly seems my style (or interest even?) … but maybe worth giving it a shot (maybe I’d be pleasantly surprised? Perhaps rather/quite unlikely … but … probably worth trying once anyway? … not like I’d ever have to do it again if it sucked).

I could yet further tweak and/or overhaul my profile on OkCupid – not to tweak/change it to generate “activity” on the account, or to be at all inaccurate or misleading, but, as feasible, to optimize results/responses, while continuing to be quite accurate, etc.? But … that could take a lot of time/effort/energy to do, … and may only “barely move the needle” … if hardly at all.

Be more proactive – search profiles, etc., write to those of (potential) interest to me, etc. – and optimize (and of course customize and custom tailor) those responses I write? Maybe, … probably get at least some responses … does take a lot of time/energy etc. to go through all that data (those descriptions/profiles/etc.) and compose responses, etc. – and “of course” most of ’em I’ll never hear from or they’ll flop right out the gate (e.g. “thanks, but no thanks”).

So … somethin’ other than OkCupid? What? Go hang out in bars? Bleh, sounds highly uninteresting to me – I don’t even drink. About the only times I (semi-)like hanging out in bars, is when I go there with person(s) I actually more-or-less like, e.g. friend(s), co-workers, or something like that. Go by myself or something like that? Think I’ve almost never done that, and don’t think I’ve cared for it on the rare occasions I have. Besides, highly improbable to attract/meet folks of interest to me when I’m hangin’ out having a cruddy time someplace I’d generally prefer not to be.

Oooh, what about activities? Well, one of the reasons I stuck myself on OkCupid is it’s not the “activities” I’m seeking out, it’s the person(s) of interest to me. I don’t have a shortage of activities … but most ‘o that stuff has me spending time predominately with nerdly/technical guys in a more professional context … not exactly the place to generally be meeting and interacting with women – let alone on a (potentially) more casual/personal basis. Ah, but what about activities that (greatly) tip the odds in who I’d be around and meet and interact with and how? Uhm, yeah … if only there was such an activity I actually enjoyed. Bah.

Maybe sort’a kind’a mostly take a break from it? Perhaps. I guess when I mostly go into “it” (whatever) with attitude and/or (mostly) feeling like it’s gonna suck, it’s gonna fail, I won’t like it, I don’t/won’t wanna be there, I won’t meet anyone of interest to me that is at all interested in me … well, almost “dooming” it before trying – generally indicators to give it a break/rest. Perhaps so.

But there’s gotta be a better way / better ways. Surely something / somehow … something that quite leads me to meet those I’m interested in and that are likely interested in me – or at least doing stuff I like where/how I like where there are particularly good probabilities of such meeting/interaction occurring … but danged if I can think of such.

Then there’s random stuff … e.g. striking up some conversations with the occasional random potential opportunity that might pass by – e.g. conversation with random (potential) stranger in passing … but really long odds on that … but definitely some missed opportunities there – many times I’ve not tried when I probably should have tried … at least some wee bit – so what if most (okay, practically all) of ’em flop – no great loss. If nothin’ else, the practice can’t exactly hurt.

F*ck me. Damn it’s hard to meet/find good friends. Way few of ’em left – and mostly too damn far away and/or busy with their own lives (or dead or psychoticly dangerously unfriendly)

So … for the most part, screw it, don’t worry about it, keep busy with other stuff, etc. … whatever. Eh, more of a “distraction” than particularly “satisfying”. … Whatever. Could almost say “I don’t care!” But that’s definitely not exactly true.

Oh well, at least I’m fairly good company for me. Could do with less self-criticism and more support, though – so yeah, I’d do fair bit better if I treated myself more like I treat others.

And … “seeing someone”? Oh, … some communication, etc., definitely feelings there, history, etc. … but … over 4 years since we’ve seen each other in person, so debatable if that even counts as “seeing someone” or not. Over, dead? Definitely not, but that’s been “stuck” pretty much where it is for quite a while now … quite unsatisfactory that. Can’t stay like that indefinitely … dunno, but I’d guestimate within 2 years, it’ll either be much better and sorted out (like both of us in the same place), or it’ll be (mostly) over. Maybe never know for sure, but just guestimating – I don’t think it’s likely to stay where/as it is for multiple years beyond now … don’t think the “relationship” – as/what it is, would particularly withstand that well … if particularly at all?

And so it goes …

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