Lost One

I’ve lost one good friend to severe mental health problems – just far too threatening/dangerous and highly repeated major pain in the rear to remain as friend, not to mention years of ongoing highly unfriendly behavior. It went way beyond my possibly being able to do anything to help said friend.
As another good friend of mine once phrased quite similar situation, “My friend doesn’t live in that head anymore.”


See also:
[updating 2012-06-21]
I used to have a related question, answer, and explanation on OkCupid (and had it linked from here). But having it there isn’t particularly useful or beneficial to me, or really anyone else. Notably, a “Yes” answer, while true, doesn’t exactly help in folks trying to find matches to me, and the explanation there might not exactly help much – at best. May have much more to do with human nature and psychology, than anything else. E.g. someone reads that “Yes” answer, and they may already quite form some conclusion/bias/perspective in their head (hard to avoid that, folks being human and all that). So, from such a then disadvantaged position, if I then try and “argue against” such a position/bias – well, that tends to often be more counter-productive. E.g. similar to news stories that come out incorrectly, or even dead wrong. Folks tend to believe the initial reports (or here by analogy, their own initial “conclusions”/biases). When news media then issues retraction/correction, what’s the net result in what people believe? Oddly, more often than not, they believe the original incorrect report, rather than the corrected information – even more so than if corrections (and counter arguments, etc.) had never been made. Ah, what an “interesting” thing human beings are.

Regardless, bit further below here, I now add what I’d earlier had present on that on OkCupid. I’ll also note, were I to write it all up again, I’d make it even much less identifiable regarding any of the specifics that occurred.
But regardless:
I’d already put that up on OkCuid where it’s been publicly visible for quite a while now.
For reasons of reasonable explanation of those various bits – it’s not like I don’t want to be able to reasonably say and explain what happened, but I don’t want to overly do so either. What’s here, and was there, is really mere tip of the iceberg. E.g. she also managed to cause numerous serious problems in multiple persons lives with her behaviors and actions, repeatedly made numerous false claims under penalty of perjury (and that was by no means the worst of the damages she caused; not that she was intentionally lying, but rather her head being so messed up that as far as she was concerned, from her experiences and memory – all that horrible cr*p was true – even though it had in fact never actually occurred (her recollections also very radically changed over time)). Additionally, though not exactly super-easily findable in general, a whole lot of that information is matter of public record and is in fact available to the public – and essentially all of it as direct consequence of her own actions. So, there’s probably a lot of information, that, were she in her right mind and/or reasonably understood the consequences of her own actions, she’d probably prefer not be made public, but that she herself in fact put or forced a lot of such information into the public realm. Anyway, for those reasons, I do now include below, what I used to have on OkCupid for that question/answer/explanation:

Has any person or organization ever filed a restraining order against you?
Yes (my answer and acceptable answer)
No (not my answer, but also acceptable answer)
Importance: Irrelevant (knowing how absurdly easy it is for anyone to obtain a temporary restraining order and without needing any actual basis and with no costs or fee, I consider the basic Yes/No answer itself to be of “Irrelevant” importance on searching/matching – however, if it’s “Yes”, I’ll almost certainly want to know more … and that’s probably fair chunk of why I included explanation on my “Yes”)

Yes, very mentally unwell (psychotic, “crazy”) ex-friend (can’t otherwise really say I’ve got any ex-friends – but she quite earned herself that distinction). She’s got severe mental health problems – delusional disorder, persecutory sub-type, highly paranoid, etc., etc. The last legal go-round with that (and hopefully it remains the last!), not only was not even a temporary restraining order issued (not the first time she’d filed; and no “permanent” (non-temporary) restraining order was ever issued (temporary is actually quite easy to get – can file and shuffle some papers about without fee, and only requires one side of the story – written testimony and no other backing required)), but at hearing she was “denied *with prejudice*”
She’s also caused lots of serious problems/hassles for others besides myself, and also runs risk of potentially being determined to be a vexatious litigant:

Redacting just the identifiable bits (name), here’s what I opened with last time in court – all of course 100% true and thus of course zero credible evidence to ever refute any of it:
o I’ve done nothing which in any way could be reasonably construed to
have harassed [redacted] in any manner whatsoever.
o Any and all claims by [redacted] that I have in any way harassed her
and/or threatened to do such or anything illegal or harassing to or
towards her are in fact false, and likely appear to only exist in and
from her delusional paranoia.
o There is and can be no credible evidence for that which in reality
does not exist.
o [redacted] is not a credible witness. She has made and continues to
make numerous false and misleading statements even under penalty of
o If there’s any harassment, libel, slander, illegality and/or abuse of
legal process involved between [redacted] and myself, it is [redacted]
having made and making false and misleading statements about me, my
character, her making false allegations, and her repeatedly taking
unwarranted and unsupportable legal actions against me.
o [redacted] has caused numerous problems and damages to myself and
others, and continues to unjustifiably and wastefully consume time and
resources from myself, this court, and others.

Other than said psychotic delusional paranoid ex-friend, no one (person, organization, entity, whatever) has ever filed restraining order against me (or heck, even suggested/threatened such).

And yes, I promise not to send a military attack helicopter after you to threaten and intimidate you. (Yes, said friend was (and probably still is) certain I sent a military attack helicopter over that landed (or nearly so, hovering for an inordinately long period of time) on roof of her cottage where she lives, when she was home, just to threaten and intimidate her and “send her a message” … not only did I of course do no such thing – but she lives in a densely populated urban area, and no one else saw, heard, or reported this alleged helicopter incident … as, “of course”, there was no such helicopter incident (of course she likely believes they’re also all conspiring with me against her, to cover up the helicopter incident)).

So, … yeah, I can put up with some mental illness from someone (e.g. certainly have) – but no way to the ongoing royal pain in the rear end level to which she raised it, and where the illness also left her incapable of at all being a friend at all in the least (decidedly unfriendly would be an understatement), so, yup, she got herself officially demoted down from friend, to charity case, and finally to ex-friend. Too toxic and dangerous even as “charity case” for me to attempt to further help her in any way. Her family occasionally remains in touch with me – they’ve also been unsuccessful at helping her, and have gotten to the point where there’s nothing further they can do for her either.

And no, not generally planning to publicly identify said ex-friend – or for that matter anyone else, as having or having had whatever mental, medical, physical, or whatever disorder(s) or illness(es) without their informed (and competent) consent. (for reasons of medical/personal privacy/confidentiality, etc.)

[2012-06-23 – made some very slight edits to clarify a bit]

See also:

[2013-04-29 – adding a bit which I almost can’t believe I didn’t include earlier, but perhaps not directly relevant to what I earlier mentioned, and hence earlier omitted.]

And, also, certainly don’t need or want to be receiving credible death threats from a “friend” or ex-friend. Yeah, she quite did that, and very obviously put considerable effort and time into her planning. Not good, especially since she’s also no idiot. Highly mentally unwell, plus smart, can make for particularly dangerous combination. Quite unsettling. Never received such from anyone else, ever, and hopefully never will.


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